Meta What If?

[that meme with the gleaming retrofuturistic city]

 

Sonichu was a unhinged hodge-podge of terrible fanfiction, blatant plagiarism, terrible attempts at "erotic" artwork, revenge fantasies, and many other things that say a lot about its genuinely insane creator.
Sonic.exe was just a shitty creepypasta that should have died with Blood Whistle.

 

The time traveler steps out of the Delorean after moving Barb to an assisted living facility, getting people who would use Chris out of his life, and assigning him a social worker. Marty McFly over here whips out his phone and starts scrolling to see how the world has changed.

Mufasa is a 2D Lovingly Hand Drawn Cartoon and is considered a worthy rival to Sonic 3. Disney decides they can live with that. Paramount releases new cuts of the Sonic movies where he doesn't have blue arms.

Neither Trump nor Kamala have won the 2024 Election, instead both concede as they realize they're both just terrible people

The Shadow Government disbands and apologize to the American people for the Two-Party Con Job it has used to divide the people, Nikola Tesla's patents for perpetual energy generators are no longer suppressed and the energy crisis is solved over night. They release the prisoners at Area 51 (Mostly aliens and the youtuber CV-11) and after realizing humanity did not know about or condone the actions of their Shadow Government, the Intergalactic Alliance of Civilized Worlds inducts Earth as its newest member. The secrets of FTL space travel are given to man who joins his fellow intellectuals among the cosmos.

Trump has donated his entire fortune to re-uniting families broken up by his administration's immigration policies, and has been using his connections to do charity work from behind his jail cell.

The Dimensional Merge happens and Lisa Simpson becomes President, running on the Sonichu Party ticket alongside Vice President a Cybernetic Jimmy Carter. Her first act is to pardon Luigi Mangione and instead put the country's Health Insurance Executives on trial, the entire nation is enrolled into the same Cadillac plan that congress gets. The cure for cancer is publicly revealed, having been previously kept in a vault at United Healthcare.

The Ghost of James Randi announces there really is an afterlife and that there is no Heaven or Hell, but instead we all become one in "The Absolute" in an existence of pure bliss and wonder. From beyond the grave he gives JREF a million dollar grant to help people develop their psychic powers, by 2041 PSI is common place, Implements for learning Telekinesis are considered pre-school toys.

Unemployment drops to 0%, Wages at al all time high; psychics scan the aura of everyone and assign them to the jobs they're best suited for.

One works two years of mandatory service, and then retires with the option to continue working if they want to, they receive a monthly tugboat regardless of their choice. As Dr. Ovi Kintobor, the Anti-Eggman of Moebius has automated the workforce and passed the savings onto you.

Chris-Chan himself, now the Mayor of Charlottesville learns the value of hardwork and does such an amazing job that Charlottesville is named the new Capital of Virginia. It's no CWCville (Which is in the handy care of the recently resurrected Billy Mays), but it is a futuristic city that houses the best and brightest in the world, a vaccine for all diseases is created there. Mary Lee Walsh is the first to try it, the vaccine makes her a hot young blonde with a devil tail like in the fan-art, she apologizes personally to the Mayor and does community service to make up for cock blocking him.

That community service? Leading a task force to stop Trolls and A-Loggers! On day one Jake Paul is arrested for making Mike Tyson embarrass himself in a blatantly fixed fight on national TV for money.

Mayor of Charlottesville Chris-Chan goes on a diet, he actually cuts back on food so much that he's not only thin for the first time in his life, but his food budget is instead being used to feed the starving children of Africa. Within a week it becomes a lush green paradise as the well fed children chase off the false philanthropists who pretended to be raising money for their well-being, but were in actuality using them for a grift.

Israel has stopped bombing Palestine and the ink is drying on the reparation checks. Nethanyu is sentenced for war crimes and the Israeli Military is ordered to collect the Dragon Balls: To wish back everyone who died in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

JK Rowling, Beloved Trans Right Activist, has written Harriette Potter And The Rainbow Tube Socks; It is the single greatest piece of fiction ever created. Entire new schools of thought are created over the deep philosophical questions the book raises.

Elon Musk, also a trans activist, creates a machine that can turn anyone who wants to be one into a cat girl; the Tesla Model TG. He reunites with his forsaken daughter and the two rekindle their relationship in a storybook ending no one saw coming.

Copyright is dissolved and everyone is free to work on whatever passion project they want, as poverty doesn't exist, most media is free of charge as money is becoming increasingly useless on a planet solely dedicated to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Instead of making crappy horror movies like Winnie The Pooh: Blood and Honey, creators use the newly expanded public domain to make bold new stories unbothered by executive mandates, shareholder demands, or legal issues. The first actually watchable MCU Movie since Endgame is created, Spider-Man & Batman: Carnage of the Joker, receives rave reviews; The Critic himself Jay Sherman considers it the first super hero movie not to stink.

Ken Penders admits he didn't create Echidnas, and apologizes to their true creator, The Lord Jesus Christ aka Christian Weston Chandler who in fact created the entire Sonic franchise when he penned Sonichu, having retroactively brought the Sonic series into existence with his divine powers.

Gabe Newell announces Half-Life 3. Jack Thompson and Uwe Boll play it, cry, and admit they were wrong about video games.

Mario and Sonic finally get a fucking video game where they go an adventure instead of wasting everyone's time with boring Olympic Games shit.

I could keep going on, but this was all stream of consciousness and I'm out of material.

 

oh man, I wish there was a way we could make this happen for real!
pipe bombs:

 

What if Chris-Chan was a Viking warrior?

 

Most Vikings bathed themselves regularly so he would definitely stink compared to the rest of them

 

What if Chris got a job training AI (as in an AI voice)
there could be bot made YouTube videos narrated by AI Chris Chan

 

What if Chris got substanced? Like in the movie The Substance?

 

Somewhere, someone has HAD to have made an AI Chris Chan voice.

 

Has someone ever put all of Chris’s videos through an AI so it could spew out a Chris video?

 

Would there eventually be a ween horrible enough to swat Chris in an attempt to be the next trolling sensation?

 

Medieval people in general bathed more often than most people think.

 

Yes.

A consistent lesson from the Sagas is that the weens are actually worse people than Chris.

 

And people in feudal Japan did that a lot too.

 

Which one would "Chris Chan" be closer to: Nurgle or Slaanesh?

I say Slaanesh, what with mother-raping. Also daily fast food.

 

Even Slaanesh isn't horny for Chris-Chan, I'm sorry.

 

What if Chris didn't fall down the Twitter political sphere after Bob's death? When he came back online in full force around 2014(ish), it was mostly just Sonic Boom and politics sperging. If no one ended up white nighting him after finding his Twitter posts, would we even have the idea guys? Would Chris even bother posting online still?

 

CONTENT WARNING: POLITICS

I think he would have fallen down the Incel Pipeline and became more overtly misogynistic. Like he's always been a misogynst, but more of the benevolent kind of sexism, where he legitimately believes women are dumb, distracted by shopping, and in need of protection by men.... But if he fell down the incel pipeline he'd become more antagonistic, believing women are in on this conspiracy to cockblock anything with a penis.

However, I still think he'd warm up to transpeople. I could see him making a weird religion where a sect of men would take it upon themselves to become tomgirls to replace women with a "Kinder" and "Softer" breed of woman, and believing that the Dimensional Merge will kill off the cisgendered women and turn the transwomen into the "New Breed of Softer Kinder Female!"

This would cause him to have no allies in the Incel Community, because Incel Communities are Right-Leaning and I don't know if you've checked on what the US and UK Governments have to say about transpepole lately, but... uhh lemme tell you, as a transwoman it's fucking horrifying. He'd have less people making jokes about believing in the Dimensional Merge because in this timeline it sounds more like a weird sex thing.

Now the Dimensional Merge in our timeline is still totally a weird sex thing, but not as overtly as the one in the Incel Chris Timeline

Now Chris himself would either not pretend to be trans or still pretend to be trans. If he didn't he'd be the creep saying "So and So would be better as a girl" and become obsessed with wanting to date transpeople, which in the trans community would make him a "Chaser", but he'd have overly high standards and basically demand you look like Bailey Jay or no dice. If he DOES pretend to be trans in this timeline, he would insist that he is some kind of High Priestess who is exempt from having to get a husband and that the Dimensional Merge requires him to get as much pussy as possible. This is because Chris is Chris and self-sacrifice is impossible for him, he must be in the most ideal possible situation at all times. Whether he thinks that'd be him as the Pussy Slaying King of the Blackpilled or the Reversed High Priestess of the "Dimensional Merge", is up to him, but my money's on the latter.

Chris would have less White Knights than he does now, because Incels are not as sympathetic as Transgirls.

If Incel Chris had any following it'd probably be TERFs who would flock to Chris-Chan and use him as proof that "We were right about transpeople the whole time!", Sort of the opposite that White Knights who say "Chris is trans, therefore you can't make fun of her! GOT IT!?!" do now.

Why? Because the idea of Transwomen replacing Ciswomen "Around the house", while the Ciswomen are "sent to breeding camps" is literally an old conspiracy theory detailed in the very real book "The Transsexual Empire: The Making of a Shemale", and TERFs are not new, they were around in the 60's and used to be against Male Homosexuality for similar reasons as to why they hate Transpeople now. So you'd have the Second Wave Lilith Fare types going "JANICE RAYMOND WAS RIGHT!"

He'd still "Get the Barbussy", but instead of pretending to be healing her or thinking it was in someway consensual, he'd be far creepier about it and claim "The bitch owed it to me"

Basically, Chris' Leftist ties are the only thing keeping him from being a far worse person than he could have been otherwise.

This is because Right Wing Movements tend to be about an "Us Vs. Them" mindset, while Left Wing Movements try to highlight vulnerable communities and insist on having everyone bend over backwards for said community, even if said community doesn't want the help... Or at least not in that way.

Both of these lead to really cringy shit like White Supremacists on the Right and the Woke Mob on the Left. While it may sound like I'm saying only Right Wing movements can do harm, oh dear God no, keep in mind, I'm not saying that at all. I'm merely saying that the harm done by Left movements is more subtle and nuanced.

For example, Left movements often have white people talking over people of color, and making outrageous demands on their behalf which said people of color didn't agree with.

A good example of this is how it was Leftist Movements that demanded Latin American individuals be referred to as "Latnix" and petetioned Warner Bros. get rid of the character Speedy Gonzales. Whereas actual Latin American and Hispanic communities hated the term "Latinx" because it was a bunch of suits trying to whitesplain to Espanol speakers how their language is supposed to work, and when Cartoon Network did get rid of Speedy Gonzales because of "Racial Concerns" it was Hispanic and Latin American groups that complained about his absence, leading to his return to the airwaves.

It's these same Leftist groups that cause problems by insisting that we all bend over backwards for Chris, allow him to do whatever he wants, and blindly forgive him of all his wrong-doings because "He's Autistic and Trans!"

Now again, I'm not saying that "Left is inherently Good"., I've met enough Tankies, Woke Morons, and people who base their entire morality on how they understood Harry Potter when they were 11.

I'm saying that the difference between Left and Right Extremism is that Leftist Extremists believe that no matter what they do, no matter if it's bringing back Segregation in the name of "Cultural Appropriation" or ruining the life of a random content creator because they say "She/Her" instead of "Glee/Gem", they are still "The Good Guys" at the end of the day. So if they sound crazy, it's only because they're "On the Right side of History" and Rightist Extremists believe that no matter what they do, the people who aren't in their group are still "The Bad Guys" at the end of the day. So if Donald Trump does..... *gestures at the mountain of News Articles about the guy* take your fucking pick of which Trump Controversy you think is the worst... It's okay because "Sleepy Joe and the Communists are scheming to do worse!"

And given what we've seen of Chris, if we have the choice between putting in a situation where "X are the good guys, no matter what" or "X are the bad guys, no matter what", we want the former.

Why? Because when Chris believes Michael Snyder is part of a vast jewish conspiracy to keep him from getting laid he tries to commit vehicular manslaughter. When Chris believes SEGA is out to paint Sonic's arms blue, he maces random Gamestop Employees. We absolutely do not want him to fall down the "Man-O-Sphere", because the things he's likely to do are very grimdark.

When Chris believes that he's Jesus and that the wicked will be destroyed by the very real Great Reset, I mean Age of Aquarius, I mean Y2K, I mean... (God how many "The New World Is Upon Us" cults are there anyway?) the Dimensional Merge, he writes a Bible and tries to fake the Dimensional Merge by putting up his hand-painted Transformers up at Target and taking pics.

Chris behaves better when he's "special" than when "others are wicked".

tl;dr - We'd have a much darker creepier Chris-Chan that none of us would feel comfortable with

 

All that considered despite how "TL;DR" it sounds, Manosphere Chris legit sounds like it'd be it's own flavor of hell. And knowing how there was one incel from Croatia that begged his mom for sex* , I can imagine the incest saga could still occur. I can imagine a manosphere Chris, upon falling into the incel pipeline, would likely have some moment in raging at Megan for cutting off contact and not throwing out the sex Chris whined for.

*even if that sick fuck Croatian guy was just trolling, that's still fucking stupid to say "I begged my mother to have sex with me.

 

On Live Streams he's been asked about Megan and gives generic but troubling responses about how it was her that ruined their relationship instead of him that ruined their friendship. Specifically according to Chris Megan "ruined it" by being "Too immature to know what sex is despite being an adult" and he's made comments on how she has "Needed to do some growing"

I say generic because he doesn't go into a lot of detail, but despite that... This feels like a free sample of "Manosphere" Chris

It's genuinely disturbing to see the lengths he'll go to in order to avoid any admittance of wrong-doing.

This still doesn't top "How dare Michael Snyder show mercy on me in court!" in terms of delusional, but does top it in hostility.