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Meta What If?

Discussion in 'CWC Discussion' started by Hellblazer, Feb 25, 2016.

  1. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

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    Chris would start with a magic Sonichu medallion and the amnyfist ring that gives +1 to combat. And a can of mace.
     
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  2. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    Maybe in an alternate timeline where that lolcow was never born (which easily could've been as Borb were old), there could've been the Kooky Forums: a site dedicated to discussing lolcows. Kooky Forums later became Kiwi Farms, named after how a number of lolcows mispronounced "Kooky Forums"... while another site went up called Kooky Klub. Kooky Klub is pretty much the same as CC in this timeline, but with a certain subforum missing.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2024
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  3. BlakeIsHere

    BlakeIsHere Member

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    Here are a list of what-if questions I have related to Chris:
    • What if the infamous sex tape was made for Jackie instead of Julie?
    • What if the Miscreants remained active to this day and didn't disband after Bob died?
    • What if Chris didn't transition and become a tomgirl and later, transgender?
    • What if Chris decided to go back to his classic-era self for nostalgia?
    • What if Chris lived in medieval Europe?
    • What if after Barb dies or moves out of 14 Branchfield Court, and it goes up for sale, someone turns it into a museum dedicated to Chris?
    • What if Chris got assassinated or murdered?
    • What if there was a forum dedicated to weens?
     
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  4. Ore Rosechu

    Ore Rosechu Rockin' da house

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    I can answer some of these

    If Chris didn't transition, he wouldn't have the white knights he does today.

    Chris would never go back to Classic Chris without inside influences, as he lacks the self-awareness to do so.

    If Chris lived in medieval Europe he would be a court jester who was executed fro claiming to be God.

    If Chris was murdered, the killer would be the most infamous man in net history. Even more so than those Youtubers who get caught trying to meet children for sex.
     
  5. c-no

    c-no Dead Meme Internet Man

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    We'd still just get Chris fucking a blowup doll with a piss filter.

    If the Miscreants went on, it'd likely just end up being unfunny because at this point, Chris was well-beyond the person they fucked with back then, no longer the clown shirted male virgin but the tomgirl to transgender with a criminal record in incest and elder abuse.

    No one is gonna buy 14 Branchland Court and turn it into a museum unless they had enough money to waste on the house. Even then, you'd need all of Chris' junk to make it a museum and this is assuming it didn't get trashed or sold off by the bank because of any outstanding debts.

    A forum dedicated to weens would likely get raided by them or face attempts at being cut down.
     
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  6. RetardBus

    RetardBus I like hurting other people

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    What if Chris exploded?
     
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  7. c-no

    c-no Dead Meme Internet Man

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    Bloods and guts everywhere. And also dirty, crapped briefs everywhere.

    What if Chris really was in Finland?
     
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  8. BlakeIsHere

    BlakeIsHere Member

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    What if Julie was actually real?
     
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  9. RetardBus

    RetardBus I like hurting other people

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    That would require Molvania to also be real. If that did happen though, with Julie as an actual woman (And not a mentally disturbed 12 year old boy loose on the internet), she probably would have still catfished Chris and lead him on to humiliate him. Many young women did already when playing fake girlfriends, especially so they could play the part in voice calls.
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2024
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  10. c-no

    c-no Dead Meme Internet Man

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    Not only that but Clyde Cash would be lucky in not being seen as a groomer or a pedofork in telling a 12 year old disturbed boy what to say to Chris in phone sex.
     
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  11. Ore Rosechu

    Ore Rosechu Rockin' da house

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    If it happened today yeah.... no.. police would have shut that shit down.

    Back then sex crime on the net was just laughed at "lol Chris Hansen" and the word Groomer didn't exist in that context.

    If someone gets a 12 year old today to roleplay sex a net celeb...

    Someone is going to fucking jail
     
  12. c-no

    c-no Dead Meme Internet Man

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    Definitely. It's also a good way to show how far the internet came comparing "then" and "now." Even then for all the lulz Clyde did in having a 12 year old say sexual things to Chris, others from that time were just disgusted and all it'd take is one of them leaking any chat logs and the like to cops and Chris Hansen to make it all blow up harder in Clyde's face.
     
  13. Ore Rosechu

    Ore Rosechu Rockin' da house

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    There are a lot of fucking people who are lucky as hell that no one's going to check old IRC chat logs or even remembers what IRC is, that's for damn sure.
     
  14. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

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    What if Chris-Chan had the power of the voice like in Skyrim?
     
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  15. RetardBus

    RetardBus I like hurting other people

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    Then CURSE-YE-HA-ME-HAS would not only work, they'd also be instantly deadly.
     
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  16. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    Is there any way that the lolcow wouldn't become widely known online?

    Or was him becoming infamous online inevitable?
     
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  17. RetardBus

    RetardBus I like hurting other people

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    Definitely the latter. He had too much of a presence on YouTube and MySpace to be ignored forever, not to mention people from his local area who were already familiar with his antics on a surface level as early as 2006, which we know from the dates of early writing about Chris online from before his lolcowdom.

    Plus it was Charlottesville locals who first started talking about CWC in a big historic thread on him on Something Awful in the late summer and early fall of 2007. That's what ultimately brought Chris to the internet's attention, before 4chan had discovered him followed by Encyclopedia Dramatica shortly shortly after.
     
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  18. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

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    Imagine Chris doing a fus ro dah
     
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  19. Ore Rosechu

    Ore Rosechu Rockin' da house

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    I just wanted to add: A lot of people thought Chris was a troll doing a bit, a character being played by a funnyman for the views. At one point even Chris himself tried to say that was the case (rolling and trolling, which I love because Chris badly imitating what he thinks is normal will never not be funny)

    It was largely because of IRL sightings that people knew it was legitimate. Chris was definitely "Born to be a star", he has that rare quality of "Constantly fucking up, and unable to suffer consequences from it."

    We're lucky his daddy wasn't rich or this kind of power would have him failing upward hard enough to be the Governor of Virginia. And if you wanna know what THAT'D be like, look at Florida.
     
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  20. Ms. Mowz

    Ms. Mowz A real floozy at heart.

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    What if Chris Chan became a juggalo for real?
    FUCKIN' MAGNETS, HOW DO THEY WORK?