Dimensional Merge Shitposting Thread

I don't think any of us have, to be honest.

 

Aside from Chris turning 43 right before last month ended, not much.

Feels weird to even be saying that.

 

I wonder if Chris will spaz out and get arrested again
maybe he's still learning Finnish

 

I'm still surprised Chris traveled outside the U.S. and it'd be more surprising if Chris behaved better than most shit American and non-American tourist.

 

Oh I have, he keeps trying to profit off of Sonichu, made some creepy dolls of him and Rosechu that no one's buying for 40 bucks

Ken is one of those things that make me wonder if our universe is a simulation.

The amazing thing about Ken is that he's the perfect answer to "What if Chris actually worked for Sega in some capacity."

His run on Archie Sonic even has many things in common with how Sonichu is written

The Title Character being shafted in favor of a glorified self-insert? Archie Knuckles is not only based on Ken himself with many key moments of Knuckles' life being based on Ken's (the abusive father who dies of pancreas cancer being the big one, the refusal to get married despite having someone in his life who functions as a wife figure to him are), but has a strangely high level of importance that rivals Sonic's. Heck in the Sonic Adventure adaptation Knuckles and Super Sonic team up to defeat Perfect Chaos when in every other version of the fight it's a solo effort form Super Sonic, with no one else even being able to get near the beast.

Self-Insert is also a Christ figure? As subtle as Knuckles walking on water

Inappropiate Sexual Content in a Kid's Comic? Boy howdy, Knuckles' not-wife Julie-Su is his cousin, there's a storyline where Evil Sonic (better known as Scourge) steals Sonic's identity in order to perv on women who think that Sonic, basically a celebrity in this continuity, is actually interested in them that way, which culminates in Bunnie Rabbot getting RAPED VIA DECEPTION, something that Ken claims "Her husband Antione had to forgive her for.", the two weren't even dating when this happened but that's besides the point.

and while I feel the Geoffrey St. John situation is heavily exaggerated to seem worse than it is, it's still pretty bad...

For those who don't know Geoffrey St. John is an infamous character who is in the category of those loved by thousands and hated by millions. People like him for his cool secret agent motif and being something of a male version of Rouge in that he's sauve and stealthy.

The people who hate him do so for the baggage associated with him. Not only did Geoffrey debut in a mini-series that was supposed to be about Sally, but was actually about him, but Geoffrey constantly butted heads with Sonic in ways that made him more effective as a villain than Robotnik himself... Which would be good writing if

1. Their fights come at inappropriate times leading to the villains being able to get ahead because Geoffrey's being the best player on their team again (Or he's the character who shows up the main heroes to be the ones who beats the villain, depending on which Ken feels more like doing and how much of the spotlight Sonic has at the time)

2. And the "thing" they usually butted heads over was which one of them was going to be the one to bang female lead Sally Acorn...

Which is worse when Geoffrey's an adult and Sally's a teenager, Ken has claimed that Sally's 16 and Geoffrey's 18, which means that anything they did is actually legal in most of the world, even many US States; and even if it's a little sus he's actually right.

Only no he isn't, and I'll tell you why: We see flashbacks to a time when Sally was a kid, and Geoffrey was a younger adult, which Ken wrote... so... again not illegal in a lot of the world if Sally's really in the 16-18 age range, but it starts getting shirt collar tugging levels of uncomfortable.

Ken also claimed that Geoffrey took Sally's virginity solely to spite Sonic, and was the one area where Sonic wasn't fast enough. Do I even need to tell you what's wrong with that?

The icing on the cake is a particular scene where Sonic is frustrated because Geoffrey is smooching on Sally. Not terrible in and of itself, except for Geoffrey saying that Sonic is a child and what Sally needs is a man, Sonic and Sally are the same age.... So uhh, yeah, that's gonna be a giant red flag for me.

Blatant Misogyny? Sally Acorn is given her own Ken Penders penned mini-series, as I said it has nothing to do with Sally Acorn and is all about Geoffrey St. John, a James Bond tribute character that Ken likes to pretend he created when the design was actually taken from a background character in an episode of SatAM. Also shout out to Mobius 20 Years Later where an aged up Julie-Su is more concerned with cooking and cleaning and other girl-stuff than anything else. Though my favorite is a scene in a Sonic and Knuckles meet Archie one-off where Sabrina The Teenage Witch is told that she's not allowed in a comic book store because "Girls can't like comics."

This would be fine as the scene seems to be on Sabrina's side and advocating for a girl's ability to like comic books, but then she says she's.. "Only buying them for a friend", and that she doesn't read comics outside of Knuckles The Echidna due to finding him "So dreamy!".. ugh...

Terrible Artwork? And how! Archie Sonic is infamous for being incredibly off-model and the worst of it happens on Ken's watch! So much so you'd swear some Knuckles Comics were done in crayon.

Action Story interrupted to do Love Triangle Bullshit? Sadly Evil Sonic raping Bunnie Rabbot and Geoffrey being a creep is only scratching the surface. If you're a Sonic fan who's read Archie sadly the sentence "Tails got mad because he lost his "innocence" to a machine when he was on a solo mission and then when the woman the machine was based on showed up, he tried to beat the ever-loving chill-scented shit out of Sonic when this ADULT FOX WOMAN was more romantically interested in someone closer to her own age than the literal 8 year old." is not a new revelation

Lack of Originality? Not only is his most well-known and beloved character literally just Sonic in a jacket (And even then most of what people like about him happened when another writer took over), but most of his characters are just Knuckles in slightly different clothing. I don't mean Knuckles recolors either since they're all red with the exception of Finitevus who is white, Dmitri who is chrome colored, and Julie-Su who is pink.

Protective of Derivative Works? Ken infamously claims he owns various Sonic characters that in actuality, he doesn't. It's been clarified many times that the only thing Sonic related that Sega doesn't own is the SNK game "Sonic Pocket Adventure", if Sega's not using a Sonic character the answer is usually "Sega doesn't want this character to be used"

Habitual Liar? Ken has been very dishonest, even lying in court to claim he never signed a work-for-hire contract in order to gain publishing rights to books he wrote for Archie. One blatant case was him pretending that he worked with Paramount to get the echidnas included in the first Sonic movie and claiming it as proof that he was "never unreasonable", only for him to turn around and reveal this blatant lie to be just that when he threatened to sue Paramount for including Knuckles' Dad in the second movie

The only real difference is that Ken doesn't seem to really like Sonic, just has a weird obsession with using it as a launching off point for his own works which are themselves derivative of Superman's Kryptonian Lore, Connery era James Bond, and Star Trek. He's also shown he knows nothing about Sonic as a franchise, as he continues to believe that most of what people know Knuckles for was established by him and that the only reason Sonic IDW isn't like SatAM is because "Ian Flynn betrayed Sega's vision!", when in reality Ian Flynn would LOVE for Sonic IDW to be more like SatAM, but SEGA right now wants to pretend that Western Interpretations of the Sonic Canon never existed, and they will likely keep up the charade until there's a changing of the guard.

But let's be real, if Chris wasn't a kid of the 90's, but instead the 60's, then yeah he'd probably be obsessed with media popular at the time which would have included the Silver Age of Superman, Star Trek, and James Bond films. So it weirdly kinda fits.

 

I have to say, I like Chris Chan's lack of originality more, because it's such a hodge podge car crash of ideas other people have done.
"Yeah, I want a mashup of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu, and also can we get a mashup of The Legend of Zelda and Darkwing Duck for no reason. Also let's make another Knuckles ripoff, but instead of being an Asian that quotes Excel Saga and Samurai Pizza Cats, we should make him a male Kazooie. Don't forget to include cameos of Bender and the Aqua Teen Hunger Force and, oh yeah, Gilligan's Island. And I would also like a Family Guy skit involving that one Ghostbusters cartoon by Filmation that nobody remembers."
There's so much more examples of this kind of crap, but I think you guys get the point.
(Plus it's hard to think of all the blatant ripoffs seen in Sonichu. Those are just the ones I can remember at the moment, and I know I'm not even remotely scratching the service.)

 

Darkbind, Clawdorf, and Zelina are far enough removed from Link, Ganon, and Zelda (at least moreso than Sonichu is from Sonic and the Flamebird is from Kazooie) that they look unique and original by comparison.

Weirdly Darkbind reminds me of a Ken Penders era Sonic character in that he's an additional member of an already bloated cast with his own backstory we never really see, because the comic never focuses on it, due to having pretty much no time to.

Though him bringing up that he's on a quest to save Zelina, while stolen from Season 1 of Drawn Together where the Gay Link stand-in has "I'm on a never ending quest to save my girlfriend" as a catchphrase, is weirdly reminiscent of a running joke Shortfuse has in Fleetway Sonic where he explains his origin each time he shows up, to the annoyance of other characters who shout that they've heard this already.

 

Oh dear God, the idea that Darkbind is ripping off a character that's meant to be a parody of one of the two characters DarkBind ripped off (technically four characters, considering he's also a Sonichu) was something that never crossed my mind until you brought this up. Now I want to go back to the first 10 11 issues (thanks for the borked up numbering system, Chris) and see just how many other things he's potentially ripped off.

 

I already stopped after seeing "RAPED VIA DECEPTION." Just what in the fresh fuck is with this man to come up with all of this shit and who exactly would even be a fan of it?

 

Guys, how should we handle the creepy 2000s era Jamster singing animals when they enter the merge?

 

Get the flamethrower and the Ithaca pump shotgun.

 

Archie Sonic is my absolute favorite version of the Sonic canon because it does a good job marrying the elements of Sonic made up for the Western Market with the games.

However the things I don't like about it usually involve Ken Penders forgetting that he was supposed to be writing for a children's video game mascot. Despite the fact that he only took the job because his son was a fan of Sonic SatAM (but not Sonic as a video game, since Ken didn't allow video games in his house and is one of those "I'm proud I didn't look at the source material" weirdos like the dudes who did the Halo TV series), he seems to think Archie Sonic is a place where it's perfectly fine to rewrite "First They Came For" but make it about Dr. Robotnik roboticizing Hedgehogs (No really, a comic issue about an Echidna Nazi party opens with this, in the same issue we see echidnas doing Hitler Salutes yelling "HEIL DMITRI!")

One of the more interesting aspects about Chris' media literacy or lack thereof is that he usually cannot tell the difference between a serious moment and a joke. One of the most recurring examples of this is Chris' belief that if you get to a third date with a girl and it goes well, you are legally entitled to sex.

This was a joke in a stand-up routine, but Chris somehow believed he should take it as gospel that that's just how the human mating ritual works.

I suspect a similar thing happened with the anime adaptation of Disgaea, which since Chris owns Disgaea 3 on PS3 I supsect he must have seen at some point. As in his old mailbag answer question thing he believed benevolent was an insult, I think a reason he might have thought that is because the main character of the anime (and two of the games) is the Demon Prince Laharal who is such a bad boy that anything associated with purity and goodness makes him violently ill, so much so that in one episode Healers just saying kind words even not in context to anything is enough to physically incapacitate him. This is obviously a joke on the "Evil is allergic to Good" trope; but I could see Chris completely fucking this up.

Or he's just really stupid and paranoid, that too.

Personally I just have to applaud Lovely Weather, a character we never see to my knowledge, but I like to think she'd just be a carbon copy of Ulala from Sega's Space Channel 5 if she was ever drawn.

Her name is based on the phrase
"It's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you!"

Like, did he sit down and said "I got it, what if Lovely Weather was the name of a girl who wanted to go sledding with you?", or did he legitimately believe the phrase lovely weather refer to a woman's name despite the fact that no one in the history of ever has had "Lovely" as a first name

How did Lovely Weather mistake Present Chris for Future Chris if Future Chris doesn't even resemble the same gender (Remember, canonically Chris allegedly looks like a super model with stereotypical college liberal hair despite him looking more like Norman Bates with a boob job)

Anyway getting back on topic

All that said he likely legitimately believed Xander from Drawn Together talking about being on a never-ending quest to save his girlfriend was a declaration of some grand adventure that's totally happening off-screen, and not what it actually was; a fantasy-themed take on the gay kid at school who says he's totally straight and his girlfriend "lives in Canada"

And even then it was so unfunny that they dropped it in Season 2 in favor of him just being openly gay, which was an excellent decision because it was way funnier and oddly enough aged a lot better since most "lol gay" humor nowadays is more so laughing with queer experiences as opposed to laughing at the idea that a person could ACTUALLY be gay.

 

to be fair, that was a thing many guys believed back then due to the joke getting so memetic.

 

The fact Penders never looked at source material while making his shit is funny considering how many works have that today like the Halo show. Seriously, what even makes these people think it's a good idea to not even get the basic idea. Did Penders do anything to match "we made a sex scene of the protag with some character from the opposing faction?"

Other guys believing that makes one wonder how many had to be as gullible as Chris to think passing date three meant getting sex.

 

Don't forget about the awful Resident Evil films that put the canon characters on the wayside in favor of the Director's waifu Mary Sue (played by his actual wife, no less!)

 

Ah yes, those films. At least the second movie kinda was like the games though granted, you could remove Umbrella and Nemesis and it'd look like it wasn't even Resident Evil but someone's Land of the Dead knock-off. At least Silent Hill took a few more notes from its source material even if it was mostly "key jangling" with things like a parent looking for their lost kid and getting attacked by monsters in a dark place only to wake up in a diner. And I already feel iffy on "key jangling" since that makes me wonder how much of it has to be "valid" and how much is just bitching after seeing more on complaints of the Fallout show that reeked more of "REEEE FUCK YOU TODD" rather than legit criticism. And I'll say anyone's critique in my eyes automatically goes into the trash the moment it reeks more of Bethesda bitching rather than just judging it on its own merit. It also was a funny thing to me because the most critical review I seen that wasn't bitchy screeching was from one of the former devs, Chris Avellone, that was a lot more critical of the show. And his biggest Todd jab was just more of thinking Todd might had a thing for the Enclave rather than screaming on how they "ruined" Fallout. Compare that to the creator of the first game, Tim Cain, who was excited to see the game he made had gotten big even though he left development of Fallout 2 due to pay disagreements.

I will give Avellone big credit in his review on this from his review:

Much as its just him using two categories on a TV show he saw entertaining but had poor craftsmenship, it honestly was nice seeing how there was a noted creator saying "I enjoy something even if it was bad and there's some well-made stuff I didn't get much enjoyment from." Then again, it felt refreshing after seeing a lot of Bethesda bitching that sounded less "Yeah Skyrim had its flaws and was inferior" and more "Skyrim is always shit and it takes modders to make it even decent" when the only needed mods were just some bug and engine fixes that don't get attention compared to "DARK SOULS STYLE ROLL COMBAT" and "generic big titty elf waifu #3518356."

Now to get back on topic, with Dimensional Merge shit, it makes me wonder how badly shit could of gone if unfunny jackasses like the Idea Guys got Chris into the weird ass TES lore like CHIM and shit where Chris's CPU goddess delusions could of gotten further down the drain of unhinged and the like.

 

What would happen if Chris did this to unleash the MOTHERFUCKIN' DEMONS Sonichu OCs into the dimensional merge?

 

Edit: nevermind

 

https://ifunny.co/video/my-original-characters-coming-to-beat-me-up-for-creating-rdVoyWNG8
Everyone when their degenerate porno OC's wanting vengeance for having such a perverted gooner existence. And also established characters like Mario after seeing how many people want to coom to them.