Things on the CWCki That You Find Inexplicably Funny

narutoisgay77897 sounds like it could be a plausible username for a late 2000s era YouTube account dedicated to trolling "narutards", as we used to call freakishly obsessed Naruto fans back in the day.

 

For some reason I thought of a Kiwi Farms user named "LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]" just now. Anyway one reason "The Classic" days aren't coming back is because it's no longer the late '00s. This world and the internet are very different now. Not to mention circumstances of "The Tale of Fail" are also significantly different these days.

 

Facebook centralized the internet and everyone makes a profit off of doxxing you and selling your information to each other. I'm not sure you could troll somebody to the extent they did with Chris even if you wanted to, you'd just get reported and investigated the second you went that far... Plus there's the fact that mocking the differently abled is kind of frowned upon now. Hell you're not allowed to say "Retarded" anymore in polite conversation or in movies and TV even

 

Couldn't have put it better myself, man. I'm really sounding like an old man when I say this, and it's making the fact I turned 25 not that long ago show, but a lot of these younger zoomer Chris people just don't seem to understand this, likely because many of them were even younger children than the guys my age were during the classic era and shortly thereafter.

They don't remember enough about the 2000s and early to mid 2010s, and the situations that created the Chris we knew and loved to watch the most to properly understand that no matter how many times you claim you "found the next Chris" or how much you fuck with the actual Chris of today, there will never be another Chris Chan.

Hell a lot of them don't even remember much about the CWC "Renaissance" in 2014, like all that shit leading up to the Sonic Boom protests and the GameStop pepper spray incident, because they were too young to pay attention to it and know the full lore back then.

There's plenty of other big lolcows who are in their "golden ages" right now, but all of them are still their own thing with far too many key differences, and none of them will ever actually be another classic era CWC of a new age.

See, that's exactly what I hate the most about all these weens and tryhards of the current Chris and lolcow landscape. They flap their gums all about "the next CWC" and who it's gonna be, when they don't even understand that CWC was a stars aligned just right, once in a lifetime sort of event that can never happen again. There will never be another Christian Weston Chandler. This new batch of CWC people just doesn't get it.

 

It's long since edited out but I remember one page on the wiki talking about the anatomy of Chris' drawings and how he puts the vagina raised in front of the pelvis instead of between the legs, and then after that text it said "(if only)" which I'm not even sure what that was supposed to mean but it made me laugh.

 

This entire article is an absolute fucking riot. What makes me die laughing the hardest though, is this sentence in particular:

While the Moon is generally considered an object of beauty and mystery, Chris sees it as nothing more than a potential garbage dump or prison camp to send all of the world's "undesirables" to, chiefly tobacky and evil dudes.

I cannot ever keep a straight face reading this quote and the text aptly describing it either:

I have given thought of sending the tobacco to the Sun, but then the smell from all that would likely emit from the giant star and stink up our Galaxy, possibly shortening the lifespan not only around our world, but the other 8 planets as well.
Chris, giving up any right to insult anyone's intelligence ever again.

Chris having these ideas as an adult who was at the time a bit older than I am now is pretty funny, but the fact he sincerely thought it's realistically possible is the real kicker to me. Him wanting to use the moon as a lunar landfill is easily the funniest recurring classic era Chris tangent if you were to ask me.

 

This is one of the most difficult things for me to keep in mind when looking at Chris. A lot of it doesn't sound that bad, you hear it and go "Okay, a little kid doing or saying that is kind of cute, quirky even. So what's the problem?"

Then you remember that this was an adult in his mid-20's and he is being completely serious.

 

One of my favorite things about that article is the image of the Majora's Mask moon. Specifically, when it originally had the caption "what would inevitably happen to the moon if Chris keeps sending bad guys over there" or something like that

 

Was it even explained HOW he was able to send things to the moon in his comic? Cause it just seemed like "Oh yeah that's on the moon now" was how he did it. I mean I guess Magi-Chan can teleport, but to the moon though?

 

I don't think a CWCville space program was ever mentioned.

 

Right? It's like fucking Highlander..

"Oh yeah, there were other immortals besides Macleoud and the The Kurgen! How is this possible when Macleod clearly won the pirze for being the last one left? Why did more immortals spawn in with backstories that go way back? Never explained!"

You can't just tell me something happened without telling me why something happened.

 

As early as his 25th birthday in February 2007 in the Future Message video, Chris explains that he wants to put every last ounce of tobacco on a rocket, and then blast it off to the moon.

Fun fact: This particular upload is the oldest upload of it still up on YouTube, and uploaded by Chris himself no less.

 

The idea that Chris is in a position to give anyone life advice is still the funniest joke he has ever told.

 

"Buh bye bay nose"

 

The fact that Joshua Martinez used to make Chris pay for both of their meals when they dined at restaurants, and that once when Chris had no money to pay, Joshua just got a meal for himself and made Chris watch in silence and without any food as Joshua ate his own. It's so minor, but so delightfully petty.

 

Sonichu 10 mentions loading a "NASA rocket" with wacky tobacky. Whether this means they ship several tons of ganja down to Cape Canaveral regularly or if CWCville can expand to include whatever infrastructure or institution is needed to make the plot work a la The Simpsons' Springfield, who can say.

 

Normally I'd say the former since he specifically specified NASA, but Chris is a god damn moron with no idea how anything works. I wouldn't be surprised if he believed Ruckersville had its own "NASA Space Program" that he just never visited personally.

 

Does anyone else find it hilarious how when CWC was beefing with ADF in late summer 2011, he mocked him for being a communist by singing Spike Jones' Der Fuehrer's Face, of all fucking songs? This is a very comical insight into just how naïve, ignorant, and clueless Chris has always been about politics and history. It shows that he unironically believes that Nazis and communists are the same thing. I would not be surprised if Chris watched the "Commie Nazis" episode of The Simpsons, saw this scene in particular, and actually took the glaringly obvious satire at face value, thinking it was historically accurate. Very much like what he usually does with the other satirical adult comedy cartoons he watches like South Park, Futurama, Beavis and Butt-Head, Family Guy, and American Dad.

You'd think if he wanted to mock a tankie, the fitting song choice would be something like singing Moskau by Dschinghis Khan in a goofy voice to make Ahuviya sound stupid. Or at least mockingly singing I Love Beijing Tiananmen, come on. There's no shortage of silly communism songs he could've used for this.

 

Chris isn't smart enough to do or even understand the "On this day in Tiananmen.. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAPPENED" bit

And it's not surprising he'd mix those up considering the Far Right is always disingenuously bringing up "national SOCIALISM!"

Even though it's well documented they only used that name to fake left and go right.

Edit: Actually it's not even just the Far Right...equating communism with Nazism was a common thing for Borb's generation regardless of political affiliation.. the whole Red Scare