Meta Is Chris actually capable of holding down a job?

So this is my first attempt at starting a thread, so bear with me. I know this is a discussion thats been asked in the "What if?" thread multiple times, but I think its definitely worth its own thread as the discussion holds much more details than a simple yes or no answer could suffice. Could Chris, if someday he magically gained the motivation to, go out and get a job? We all know his behavior and mental capacities are limiting, but he does have SOME marketable skills (Either CAD or hard labor), he's had multiple issues throughout his life with the law, and last but not least his employment history (Aside from working at an Arby's iirc) is completely blank. So could Chris feasibly get a job and actually do something useful besides sit there, do nothing and shit himself?

 

Remember Wendy's?

 

Was it Wendy's? As i said in the post I thought it was Arby's, I knew it was some fast food or another. From what I recall he was fired for harassing/terrifying a small girl and her family yeah?

EDIT: yeah the CWCki finally loaded and he was fired either for harassment of a small boy and his family or drawing lewd pictures of his coworkers as Pokemon.

 

I think it was for being an underperforming employee. The last straw was -- and as Chris admits -- drawing a supervisor as an ugly Pokemon. The making the kid cry with the Donald Duck impression was the "excuse story."

 

So with this as his only usable reference for an actual work history, I guess that begs the question: who would look at this and all the other extenuating details and hire him?

 

Chris is banned from places all the time. Holding down a job doesn't seem very likely.

Also weens certainly wouldn't help. If Chris somehow did get a job, sooner or later where he worked would be known on the internet. Then the weens would immediately start weening calls to the employer, hoping to join "Trolling Valhalla."

 

Even if chris realized that being employed would bring in more income than his tugboat, and had the motivation to waddle to a job. chris has no skills to use in any job. chris has been out of the workforce for so long that a resume for chris would barely cover half a page.

Also if chris were to go to an employment agency his lack of physical abilities and personal hygiene would stop him from getting even the lowest of jobs.

Finally when chris gets active it is because someone behind the scenes is pushing him, be it a white night, troll, ween or china. As soon as that external force stopps, chris sits on his ass and goes into his delusional mastabatory fantasy world.

 

I think there are certain jobs Chris could hold down but it would hinge on him not being in contact with 'customers' and not get harassed by weens.
Chris is fully capable of collecting shopping carts, stocking shelves at night, or any number of low skill jobs.

 

I'm not so sure about that. A trait of autism is increased difficulty focusing on tasks that aren't enjoyable. Especially if they're repetitive. Stocking shelves is nowhere near as enjoyable to Chris as watching My Little Pony.

It's why a number of people with autism have bad hygiene (bathing isn't fun), eat too much fast food (cooking and eating right aren't fun), have neck beards (shaving isn't fun), are fat or weak (exercise isn't fun), and so on.

 

>Someone already voted for option three

Thanks for tickling my funny bone.

 

I still think he could be convinced to do it, especially if he'd be allowed to listen to music or something at the same time (and be told not to sing along to it)

 

It'd be like convincing Chris to pull weeds in the hot hot sun, but he can still listen to music while he does it (but is not allowed to sing along). Maybe not impossible, but certainly not easy.

 

I don’t know what his “CAD certificate” entailed but I did 2 years of autoCAD in high school and that shit is pretty tough. I really can’t imagine Chris being technically savvy enough to be any good at drafting or having the attention span to do it. Retail we know he failed at. Being weird is one thing but he’s creepy, smelly, lazy, unreliable...and mentally not all there.
He could be a day laborer. It’s usually homeless, addicts or down on their luck people doing typically easy, monotonous tasks.

 

Well, chris can't do manual labor, he can't be presentable, he can barely drive, he can't be trusted to operate machinery or prepare food, he doesn't work well with others, and socializing with customers would have to be kept to a minimum.

... he'd be perfect as an uber driver.

 

While Chris is overweight and out of shape (though it can be argued he was never in any shape to begin with) I'd have to agree with @Sonichu, physical there isn't much holding him back. Where the real challenge comes in is Chris' poor work ethic and weird habits, like making weird noises at random and vilifying anyone in authority. On top of this is Chris' pride, in the past he imagined himself working at an office, likely because cartoons and television programed to think that's the kind of job every successful person has; with the rise of his comic and his recent, almost cult like attachment to the idea of "I'm done adulating" and "I don't need to get a job, I'm getting in touch with my childlike side" and "I'm half pokemon" steaming from a self-constructed justification of shirking of the responsibility of adulthood born out of the cartoons designed for children that he watches. Whats interesting is, if we look back, this is a complete paradigm shift to what Chris used to be, being someone who embraced life's progression, albeit in ways that required the least effort possible. Chris was all for being an adult and to him it was an adventure and challenge, that said his motivations were in the wrong place and his obsessions quickly consumed any remaining possibility of being a productive member of society. In all likelihood if, and that's a big if, Chris ever gets a job it would be only becuase he'd be fored to. The only situations I could see that would force Chris to get a job would be his mother dying and bank comes knocking on his door to evict him for not paying the double mortgage or Chris develops a serous drug addiction to something a little harder then Lego in which case his job would be more or burglary then pushing carts.

Spoiler

On that note what do you guys think about the possibility of Chris becoming a criminal/junky?

 

Criminal yes, junkie no. It seems like Chris is able to properly prioritize things, like paying the mortgage instead of going to Bronycon, so I could see him feeling angry/entitled after throwing his whole tugboat at bills and trying to shoplift a video game or lego set.

 

I could only see chris turning to drugs if he ends up living under the local underpass or in the gas station bathroom. Hobos have a mysterious talent for finding heroine dealers. If that happens criminal behavior would surely follow.

As for criminal behavior itself, I could see chris doing minor shit like shoplifting like Sonichu said. When barb dies chris could commit assault out of grief-fueled tard rage but I don't see him doing anything as physically exhaustive like robbing houses or as dangerous as mugging people. though it would be funny as hell to see chris trying to rob a bank like some cartoon super villian with an imaginary posse of sonichus.

 

I must know more.

 

I agree with @ToroidalBoat. Chris not finding work fun or rewarding is why he'll never be able to hold down a job or even find one. Chris's mindset is focused solely on Sonichu, something that can earn him money but never be a job. Physically Chris is unfit but there are people in much worse conditions then Chris is, he definitely has the free time and an outdated cad degree doesn't sound impressive, it is a decent lynchpin in finding work alongside interior design and architecture.
Chris having a criminal record is a horrible growth to his character but he also has the get-out-of-jail card of also having autism. If Chris was British and under 24, I'd say he could still find work as an apprentice, but with him being a decade older, that's not much of an option anymore.

 

Why would he need a job when he can sell useless trash to weens?