Meta Chris' True and Honest D&D Characture Sheet (roll for autism)

Honestly? I'd want chris at my table at least once. he arrives, he makes a mistake, he dies because I'm the kind of DM that only gives you 1 'are you sure you want to do that?' per session when you do something stupid.

I imagine it'd look like this when D&D sonichu runs into a pit full of snakes and is poisoned to death.

 

I have had DMs tell you to make intelligence/wisdom checks for stuff, but I remember one time when someone's DM did this, the person still didn't listen.

 

Also had that happen. It was this autistic guy who liked to smoke weed before and during session. Dude couldn't pay attention and would go on tantrums when shit didn't go his way, also complained a lot.
One thing I would do is insist on seeing chris's stat rolls. no coming to my table with a pre-made sheet, much less an abortion like his character.

 

Definitely, though some people do point buy for their games which in that case, you would add up the points he put in each stat to see if it matched up with the allotment

I would also bet that Chris would fudge his dice rolls all the time so you would definitely need to watch him for transparency and if the dice rolls off the table, have him do it again.

 

Chris also strikes me as that player that could never accept a low roll. stats or otherwise.
"But I'm christian weston chandler, goddess of bumfart naptime-ia! I deserve a nat 20 on this!"
And as a cleric main, I'd LOVE to see chris try to RP being a worshipper of a god, ergo a subordinate. The moment his god's like 'um, maybe that's not a good idea' or 'um that's against my creed' chris would be trying to change gods or saying that his god is mean for having rules n stuff.

 

What if Chris was in a game where it had to be "realistic" - no "magic", no "psychic powers", no super speed?

(like in that one FoxTrot comic from January 02, 2004)

 

He wouldn't play it, or want to be the special in that game who DID have magic n shit.
But you know what game I WOULD love to see him play? Call of Cthulhu. Half the fun of that meatgrinder of a game is the Keeper describing how the shoggoth pulls your ribcage out your belly button. You want all the magic chris? go for it. Spells cost sanity to use. Oh look, you cast lightning bolt and now your special OC character is gibbering like a maniac and writing things on the wall with his own shit. Art imitates life, huh?

 

I mean, D&D without magic is not really D&D anymore and you might as well be playing a new system.

 

Of course, the irony is that Chris now desperately wants to see himself as being the Ultimate Deity. Were he to play a Cleric in D&D, would he end up demanding to worship himself? Talk about a bad case of self-abuse.

Obviously, what with the current state of affairs, it seems increasingly unlikely that Chris will ever get to roleplay with others again, but dear me it's fun to speculate.

 

5th age Forgotten Realms tried that. the goddess of magic died and all arcane casters lost their magic. it was lame.

Oh to be sure, yeah. Even if chris's teflon tard powers were to suddenly resurface and he was let go he's got nothing. He can't go home, KF's being attacked so organizing a donation drive for him from trolls is gonna be tough, no one wants to help him after the mother fucking thing got out, and he's got nothing to look forward to except poverty and social isolation. Honestly, I see him pulling some shit in a tantrum and getting put in a tard house or back in jail once released. He's never going to play D&D again.
I don't remember tho, how did chris get into this? Was it the Troons, or was it the bronies playing D&D on stream that got chris to make this sheet?

 

It's been said that during the recording of the so-called "black tape" when Chris was morning Bob's passing, Chris lamented that no one really liked him. It could've dawned on him then that his bloated ego and general nature he projects on "JERKS" was to blame. But the ego was too great and the "Honor Roll" was too blinding, so around a decade later, he's in the Jail of Fail.

 

I'm a little confused on this myself, so feel free to contradict, but I think that it was the perfect storm of several factors.

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, never forget that Chris has an immense fondness for roleplay of all kinds himself. The Sonichu comics allowed him to present a perfect fantasy world where he always won, could gain actual magic/super powers as and when he wanted, had lots of friends who outright worshipped him, and was definitely going to get a cute girl his age by the end of it, no matter how hopeless that seemed (hello there, Lovely Weather...).

Secondly, the Idea Guys got him hooked on the whole Hyperdimension Neptunia bullshit. Now, roleplaying could let Chris be the reincarnation of immensely powerful (and setsy) computer goddesses, and have a whole new parcel of potential animu gal-pals/waifus. In some ways, this was the most damaging factor in the whole thing. Previously generally innocent and harmless little wish-fulfilment fantasies became a belief system that had everything Chris wanted: amazing powers for himself and busty anime waifus who'd suck his duck and do the housework on demand.

Thirdly, his increasing attempts to become a celebrity on the Brony circuit as he attempted to join in the Anal Cysts' reindeer games, forging ever-more-desperate fantasies about how he was their best buddy and one of the most powerful players in their TF2 sessions, which also led to him seeing that already-obsolete Twilight Sparkle shipping card game at some BronyCon or other that inspired him to create his own half-arsed rip-off.

Fourthly, the Teen Troon Squad did do a little of this. I think that they were the ones who tried to get him to actually play D&D, having got him to smoke skunk and pretend to French-kiss Cryzel in front of them. Chris claimed to have actually played one session, though he refused to say with whom beyond general rambling about the awesome people involved, and gave no real details as to what happened. Was he saving those details for later? Or was he just bullshitting? Who knows for sure.

TL, DR? Chris may only have taken an interest in D&D specifically due to the Troon Squad. However, he's had a long and increasingly unhealthy dependence on roleplay for pretty much his whole adult life - even, arguably, what with his 'I recast Fear Street books with Sonic The Hedgehog characters' shtick, from well before he attained man(child)hood's estate.

 

Chris just wants to have control over his own life and destiny. He has never really felt like he had that, I don't think.

The constant trolling stole away any chance he had at self-discovery, and his only way to cope was to retreat into CWCville, a predictable world for him... until the Idea Guys took over. What does he even have left that can't be manipulated?

 

I think that's the main reason he fancied himself a "goddess" and now Christ: Chris wants people to kiss his ass worship him. Like in that birthday art made for his 39th where guests around him are in a heart formation.