The Emoji Movie (Yes It's Real)

Autistic press release
So yeah, this movie will be released seven months from now.
Discuss it here.

 

Humanity has fallen.

 

People came together and thought this was a good idea.

Let that sink in.

 

Hollywood would do anything for money.

 

I mean, the Lego Movie was legitimately great, and I even found myself enjoying the Angry Birds movie (mainly because of the hilarious right-wing undertones), but who the fuck am I kidding, this film just seems to exist to be product placement for phone apps. The premise sounds generic as all fuck and the humor doesn't look any good. Sony needs to get their shit together and actually start making good movies, they've been looking for a solid hit after fucking up Spiderman and now they're getting desperate. They need to make better use of their animation department, they've made good movies before and as a fan of animation it fucking pains me to see the talent there be used on this. They're making a family movie with a literal pile of shit as one of the characters, and all the families are gonna see it. I can't imagine this movie being successful at all.

Also, why the hell does that punk looking emoji have a body when none of the other emojis have one? she looks like the generic punk girl movie character the Lego Movie was making fun of

 

Patrick Stewart is going to play a talking piece of shit.
http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/patrick-stewart-voice-poo-emoji-9650551
Figured this was worth mentioning.

 

It's not just Patrick Stewart that's in this movie for some reason. They got a ton of comedians and SNL actors on board with this movie, it's so fucking weird.

 

I remember someone on KF observing that back in the 80s, a movie about the world inside the computer was TRON.

Now it's a movie about emojis.

 

According to Wikipedia, the synopsis is "The film will center on Gene, a multi-expressional emoji who sets out on a journey to become a normal emoji." Let me spoil it right now: He's going to learn that it's good to express all emotions, and so will everyone else. The end. Basically Inside Out, only terrible.

 

SNL alumni make plenty of terrible movies. In fact I have this little saying about the quality of movies based on the number of SNL alumni they have.

One: Doesn't even have to be a comedy (eg. Eddie Murphy in 48 Hours and Dreamgirls, Dan Aykroyd in Driving Miss Daisy, Taran Killam had a small part in 12 Years a Slave, for God's sake). No effect on quality.

Two: This is a pretty safe place for a comedy (eg. Anchorman (Will Ferrell and David Koechner), the original Ghostbusters (Bill Murray and Aykroyd), Caddyshack (Murray and Chevy Chase).

Three or more: Almost certainly just the actors just goofing around in front of the camera for 90 minutes. Run for the hills. (eg. most of Adam Sandler's stuff, but the Grown Ups movies stick out the most (Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, Rob Schneider, I'll count Kevin James because he's basically the replacement goldfish for Chris Farley, plus most of the supporting cast), the new Ghostbusters (Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Leslie Jones, Cecily Strong - bonus down points for the fact that all of them but Wiig are current players).

Of the Emojis cast, only Maya Rudolph and Rob Riggle are SNL alums (Riggle's better known for his Daily Show work, but he was on SNL for a season.) Doesn't mean it's not almost certain to be awful though.

 

Die Humanity: The Movie

 

:O

 

When Nietzsche said that "God is dead" I think he was talking about this movie.

 

And in the late 90s, we got The Matrix.
On a related note, will we be seeing the eggplant emoji in this, or would that raise the rating all the way up to NC-17?

 

Spoiler: Horrifying (yes this is real)

 

That is not a welcoming smile. That is the smile of a serial killer.

 

granted, that's probably the point.

 

I didn't know there was a Stepford Wife emoji!