Loud House Revamped, the Longest Fanfiction Ever Made

So, in classic me fashion, I started a thread on Stones to Abbigale a year ago and just outright stopped.

I don't care. Fuck that book. I can't look at it anymore.

BUT, I return with something better. Something far more challenging, and one I think I'll actually stick to.

What started as a funny joke between friends on a Discord turned into a bad decision.

I decided to actually try and read the the aforementioned story, from start to finish.

I'm fifty chapters in, and I've written my summaries as best I can. I hope you will join me on my bad decisions I have made, and laugh at it, (as well as me.)

It starts slow, but what I've read so far... I feel like there's some gold somewhere in here.



The Loud House Revamped: by JamesDean5842. A self-insert fanfiction about James Knudson, who goes by the name "J.D." throughout the story. He's... A lot of things.

Each day I will log my progress with the fic.

The exercise ends when I haven't read it for a week, and I will either need to start over, or end it completely.

Oh, and the author is still working on it. It's currently estimated to be at 17 million words and has 1,842 chapters (and counting) to it.

The rules are I try to explain what it is I read after having experienced this at the end of the day. I will log my expedition and note if my mental health starts to deteriorate.

I will periodically update this along with the friend group.

Started listening to it through TTS. Have gone through 4 chapters. It feels like the author wrote this as his own episodes for this series.

The prologue starts out as an incoherent mess. It introduces itself as a superhero novel or something. The team is called "Team Loud Phoenix Storm." That name hasn't come up since I started, so I'm waiting for it to come back.
The actual chapters after just feel like jokes and plotlines lifted from other shows and media. Everything is written in TV script format.

All I remember is that JD, the self-insert protagonist, is a Jedi with a green lightsaber and has secret magic powers. Actually laughed when he says to the main cast, "THERE'S A LOT ABOUT ME YOU DON'T KNOW." Absolutely edgy.

Ended on a road trip where some girl named Varie showed up and she's apparently his fiancé and his butler is named "Alfred" in which the protagonist states he is in no way related to the Alfred from Batman.

Edit: Forgot to mention that everyone gains superpowers because of Lincoln's yoyo hitting some science experiment and one of the sisters becomes super smart from a bonk on the head. Predictably it is reversed by another object bonking her on the head. Also a heist for beef jerky. Also two of the sisters resist arrest by attacking police with baseball bats. The biggest piece of fiction here is the police didn't immediately commit deadly force because, y'know, funny cop joke.

All of this is forgotten as a road trip happens and some tarot readings happen and the author inserts a music sting into the text as if we can hear it. I'm only nine chapters into this.
I haven't the slightest clue as to what culminated into me still doing this. My dignity? I haven't nary a sliver of that considering I'm fully admitting that I'm still reading this. But today at least gave me something to think on.

This feels like JamesDean5842 watched a bunch of episodes of the Loud House and just ripped the basic concepts from those to insert himself into those. The situations and moral lessons feel a little too grounded compared to what I assume is to come up later. One of Lincoln's sisters, Lori, I guess, broke his VR glasses and went to buy him a new set. It ends up Lincoln has an overreaction, and JD, the fic's self-insert, freezes her (or maybe it's Varie. They're the fucking same, frankly).
But the weird part is how it ends.
Apparently, Flip, who I guess is also in the show, just gets 10 years for overworking Lori with zero setup. He's forced to pay $250,000. To her.
And the episode just ends there. I assume these were lifted from the original series altogether and given very little creative thought. It's the 8 year old version of "hanging out with my favorite characters!" But the writer is thirty years old.

One chapter is short. The Loud House is now part Iroquois Indians. One of the sisters now has wind powers. I get the feeling this is leading up to something. I don't know if I like it. I definitely know I don't like it. This feels more like something "original," because the structure is shot. It's short enough to finish quickly, and by God, I certainly got vibes of CWC's "Cherokean Heritage" here.

As we move further ahead, I didn't detail chapter 9, the first one I read. This chapter starts with that structure of copying an episode from the series. But something happens that I swear is straight from JD's head.
So Lincoln is looking for records of his birth for school. Apparently his parent's don't remember. Shenanigans ensue and it's all pretty boring to say the least. But then we find out why his parent's were hiding it.
So apparently he was born inside the limo, that, I swear this is real, was being ridden by President George W. Bush. Having never seen the show before, I cannot tell if this was actually something that happened or if JamesDean5842 actually added that part.
It turns out that Lincoln's parents can't make that info public because "Bush was heading to his secret safehouse." So his parents signed an agreement and they can't break it.

The chapter ends with the author's note saying: "The thing about government secrets is true. We don't want another Edward Snowden to happen in this country."


So we get another episode, a Halloween episode. It's also the same standard format. But JD gets into some rant about having shapeshifting powers, and literally turns into "the monsters from the movie The Thing (1991)."

He then goes into detail about how much he loves those movies and the game that exist.

April Fool's episode. All I remember was that Luan likes pranking people and some joke about peeing out of a hose. Also JD wakes up in an infirmary in his mansion, and remarks that "I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAVE AN INFIRMARY!"

Another episode is set up with a hidden note. This convinced me that this was originally on the show and JamesDean just ripped the idea and added his character to it is because of it having lesbians in it.

This episode got a fucking laugh out of me the hardest and proved that I need to continue my expedition.

So the plot happens, not important, but it ends up with a girl named Sam and one of the Loud sisters being confessed to.

But then JD goes up and gives a business card with the rainbow flag on it and everyone tells him how cool he is for being a supporter. It's incredible, and I laughed out loud looking over this. They tell him he's cool and it becomes the preachiest message ever about acceptance. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it is one of those things that hits you over the head so hard you start wondering, "YA KNOW, I WONDER WHAT THE AUTHOR MEANT BY THIS!"

Racism bad. Very nuanced.

So, then a couple episodes happen, and I start to think "it will probably be like this until we get up to the final episode that the Loud House actually finished at."

NOPE.

Because we have now entered the next layer. This was only the beginning, and I've been informed by my parole off- I mean, reporting counsel, that there is no backing out of this.

There was at least a little bit of a message in some of the episodes that JamesDean was ripping from, but that was actually from the show. Now that it seems Woody the Woodpecker has joined the Smash Brothers fight, it's going to get worse from here.

Better get my will written out while I have the mental capacity for it.

"This time the story won't be pre-determined like the others. Let us start the game."

 

Remember when the first "longest fanfiction" (a shitty Smash Bros. fanfic) actually ended up being the longest literature ever written? I feel like the longest literature now being Loud House fanfiction might somehow be an even bigger sign that we have ultimately failed as a species, and that the Demiurge was right all along.

Spoiler

Between these obscenely long fanfics and Henry Darger, I'm now also convinced that crazy people have a tendency to write a lot of shit

 

Woody Woodpecker showed up at the start. I felt as if things were going to take a turn into Crazyville but we haven't quite yet gotten there. At the moment, it seems as if JD has plenty of episodes to lift from before he decides to go do his thing. I entertained the idea of skipping ahead, but then that wouldn't be going start to finish, would it?

So, Woody, (who I keep thinking is Woody from Toy Story) is found out in the woods crying. JD and the Loud family come to find he was evicted by his neighbors Wally Walrus and Ms. Meany. The Loud family builds him a birdhouse and so we now have Woody. They video call Wally to tell him "haha u sux." I just want to note that Wally lives in Indianapolis and I don't know if that's where Woody is from or if JD just fucking hates Hoosiers.
Also humorous is everyone in the Loud House cast knows (and are fans of) Woody Woodpecker. Considering the cast is a bunch of millennials, that's hard to believe.

It goes as the next chapter also has Woody who immediately fades into the background. Why? Because now Ed, Edd, n' Eddy have shown up. In a chapter that starts off with "may contain depictions of RAPE."
The rape comes to be from the finale to Ed, Edd, n' Eddy's Big Picture Show in which Eddy's brother is sexually assaulted by the Kanker sisters. (to be fair it kinda did happen?)
The characterizations for the newcomers is poor, to say the least. It's also here that I can safely say I'm starting to learn who the eff the cast is. Between the Louds I know who Lisa, Lucy, Lola, Lori, and Luan are. Everyone else escapes me.
How about shipping? Because now there's an episode for that. Luan gets with Eddy which is fucking bizarre considering Eddy is a scam artist (though he's grown out of it by the end of the series IIRC). But I remember that Luan is a prankster herself who tells bad jokes. To be fair, JD (the author) actually manages to make her voice distinct but only by way of bad jokes. Maybe I'm just learning how to read this. Not sure how to feel about that.

As things progress, you've got your standard copied episodes. One episode is a sleepover that I'm already forgetting. All I know is it was definitely copied because whenever the author writes anything, it's coherent enough to feel like there's a plot. Though it isn't a shock to me that the author is a big fan of Star Trek, and his self-insert is a big fan.

How about this for terror? Sometimes the author publishes two in one day.

So then a tornado comes and an episode becomes about the Louds surviving that tornado. Tornado comes and goes and the house is fine. JD runs off with Varie to investigate the rest of Michigan (which I guess where the show takes place). While out, they discover other houses are destroyed and so JD, speaking for everyone, asks for those people to live in the Loud House. And it's totally fine and cool with the parents. When they return, Edd, or as he will heretofore be referred to as "Double-D" basically just upgraded the entire Loud House in a span of four goddamn hours. With an aquarium and a fucking game room. Why do I get the feeling this was designed by the author. And Double-D is like "yeah no worries about money I'm just good at this" "bro you should totally go into architecture you're so good." Here's an excerpt to let you know just how bad the damage was.



Holy fuck my head hurts. I just had Japanese food and want this to end so I can continue playing Blue Archive. I need to get my hands on Shiroko and Aru and the gacha SUCKS.

Oh right. The story.

Lori becomes a General after the Loud parents go on date night. Lori demands everyone follow her rules as she removes all fun and (and for some reason takes away one of the sisters books.)
This feels like an episode out of the show yet again but here's where it just feels like JD threw himself in there, and it's set up really well and actually fits with the scene-

HA! I'm just fucking with you. It's fucking garbo.
I'm not normally going to throw in excerpts but this is a good time to show one.








Glossed over it but the tornado episode was where Eddy gets with Luan and the author writes a "romantic" plot about how she feels hurt over rejection because Luan's "jokes am bad." I don't know if I can visualize this romance because I just don't see it, but that happens. And they kiss.

Holy fuck and I thought Woody Woodpecker was going to be in it more. But instead, now Johnny Quest is going to show up. Because that's coming up.
The saving grace is at the end of every chapter, the author puts this in as if you get a trophy.


I'm still going. I feel I should *probably show excerpts* for how awful this is more but I'm so lazy.

Seriously, though. He's totally just ripping off the plots from already established series. Those are the best moments in the fic. The ones he actually didn't write himself.

But I digress. This will continue until I finish it or my mental state succumbs to the cringe.

 

Waluigi's Taco Stand was up there as the longest as well, but unfortunately, it was deleted after about 600+ chapters. It did inspire a fan game though where you play Waluigi gathering taco ingredients for your taco stand.

I never watched the Loud House though I have heard it has a really spergy fanbase of manchildren

 

I only ever knew what it was at an old job of mine where management left it on the T.V. one Sunday afternoon. FWIW I didn't dislike the show but I was well past my time to be watching cartoons (and didn't really have cable.)

The episodes themselves that are in the fic, as stated before, are the best parts about the fic, seeing as they're mostly unmodified as far as I can judge. It's when the Gary Stu self-insert is added do things get really fucky.

 

This fanfiction in particular is getting me some real bad Pooh's Adventures vibes.

 

I'm almost too scared to ask what that is. I think if I intake anymore autism I'll actually be hospitalized.

 

Funny thing about Waluigi's Taco Stand: it has actually been floating around on the internet for quite some time even before that fanfic was made. I recall it being a particularly popular in-joke on the GameFAQS forums to make fun of Waluigi's complete irrelevance to the Mario series (reminder that Waluigi debut was in Mario Tennis, and even then he was only created by Camelot so Wario could have a doubles partner, unlike Daisy, who at least appeared in Super Mario Land before she became spinoff game filler. Even now, the closest Waluigi has ever gotten to an appearance in a mainline Mario platformer is a unlockable costume based off of his clothing in Odyssey). As for exactly when the Waluigi's Taco Stand joke first popped up on the internet, I honestly have no idea, and the first instance of it could very well have been lost. I estimate that it's not any older than the public announcement of Luigi's Mansion on the GameCube shown at Nintendo Spaceworld 2000 (the same one that had that one Zelda tech demo that unintentionally tricked people into thinking that the GameCube Zelda title was going to look like Ocarina of Time with a facelift, which led to unfortunate backlash towards Wind Waker's cartoon aesthetics upon its proper announcement.)

Spoiler: The tech demo in question

Another fun fact: the sword that Ganondorf shows off in Melee (and actually uses in Ultimate) originated from this tech demo. He never used a sword in any capacity in Ocarina of Time, instead using black magic infused with his fists. Meaning that, yes, Ganondorf's moveset in Smash Bros. actually makes more sense than people are willing to acknowledge.

 

When I told you I was doing this, I wondered if you thought I'd actually give it a go.

 

tl;dr

 

TL;DR is learn to read.

 

the fanfic that made the word counter crash into slumber from stress

 

I bet the people at FF.net don't even want to bother fixing the word counter because they don't want to encourage such autism.

 

It's low on their list of priorities. The site is still outdated as shit and still uses the layout from, what, 2011?

Realistically, when would it have ever been necessary to have a word count that exceeded 16 million or so? I don't think they expected it.

 

Never underestimate autism...

But yeah, a lot of fanfic writers moved to Ao3 even though like most of it is porn

 

I'm honestly pretty disgusted at the thought that this thing is over 16 million words long.

 

I use both. FF.net has a fucking terrible upload file system though. So archaic and just so many hoops to manage.

 

I'm more disgusted that the author is able to upload a chapter almost daily.