1. Hi there, Guest. How are you doing? Have you been well? I hope so.

    OK, with that out of the way, just a little bit of a reminder that regardless of what's going on over at other sites, please leave it there. Inter-forum drama is bad and if you bring that shit over here, you should feel bad.

    And while I'm at it, USE THE "REPORT" FUNCTION. Like the New York City Subway - if you see something, say something. Vigilantism only works in comic books and trust me, no one wants to see you in spandex. (Except Cyan, who looks amazing in spandex.)

    P.S. - ToroidalBoat is a party pooper, but also needs a cat.
    P.P.S. - Holdek is still a weenie.

Meta Would Chris survive prison?

Discussion in 'CWC Discussion' started by One Too Many, Aug 11, 2021.

Tags:
?

Would Chris survive prison?

  1. Yes

    5 vote(s)
    29.4%
  2. No

    12 vote(s)
    70.6%
  1. One Too Many

    One Too Many Sexual Orientation: Heavy Metal

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Messages:
    1,504
    Likes Received:
    4,499
    Would Chris survive Vietnam prison? This is a question we have to address as it is one to two outcomes for Chris right now (that is unless he is acquitted or pardoned which is unlikely) the other being the insanity defense which will probably not going to be played, seeing as Chris premeditated his actions and, according to him, committed the crime multiple times. Prison in America is a tough place and if Chris faces anywhere between one and ten years (excluding parole and any additional charges such as elder abuse) we have to weight Chris strengths and weakness in the context of prison system. I am not an expert when it comes to prison, my knowledge only extends to Google and the game Hard Time.

    Strengths:
    • Low security prison
      • Chris's best bet at survival is to get into a low security which is pretty likely considering he is a high risk prisoner being convicted of a sex crime which would make him a target if put into general population at a higher security prison.
        • There are four prisons in VA (all male prisons mind you)
        • High Security: USP Lee (Pennington Gap, VA)
        • Medium Security: FCI Petersburg Medium (Hopewell, VA)
        • Low Security: FCI Petersburg Low (Hopewell, VA)
        • Minimum Security: FCI Petersburg Camp (Hopewell, VA)
    • Retard strength
      • While Chris might not be that strong he can take a punch and probably dish one out. Chris has shown in the past he can sustain physical pain such as the time he passed kidney stones or cut his taint open (mind you he was drunk), so at the very least if Chris is beat up he stands an alright chance of surviving it. His extra padding also helps in this regard.
    • Autism card
      • Its helped him in the past, it's sure to help him now. As stated before Chris's autism makes him a high risk prisoner so it could get him into a lower security prison, but also his autism might grant him more opportunities in prison which could increase his chances at parole or at the very least get him out of gen pop. Hell, Chris might get to make more Sonichu, this could be a Sonichu renaissance. But seriously prison work programs are a privilege and those who get into them are higher up in the prisoner hierarchy both in the eyes of staff and other prisoners.
    Weaknesses:
    • God complex
      • If Chris doesn't abandon his god complex, it will be his greatest undoing in prison. A lot of Chris's negative traits feed into his god complex; his pride, his hair-trigger anger, his laziness, and especially his batshit delusions are all products of Chris believing, quite literally, he is a god. If there is ever a reason Chris is set to infirmary you can safely bet cartoons are responsible.
    • Convicted of a sex crime
      • As stated before, being convicted of a sex crime makes Chris a target in a higher security prison; I'm no expert, but I can understand prisoners developing their own set of morals and Chris's internet infamy does him no favors in staying anonymous.
    • Childlike nature
      • Chris's naivety and lack of experiences may make him more likely to be taken advantage of. If the years of trolling have proved anything, Chris is extremely gullible and easy to manipulate. Also, Chris is extremely materialistic and has always surrounded himself with toys, video games, and cartoons; without these things, who knows what Chris will do. There's a reason the one thing Chris spoke up about at the last trial was to get his shit from his house.
     
    Kindred, Skeletor, Fauna Fox and 3 others like this.
  2. Henry Bemis

    Henry Bemis On an eight-hour tour of a graveyard

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2017
    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    578
    Refresh my memory: would the harshest possible sentence for Chris entail jail (less than one year) or prison (a year or more)?

    In terms of regimented schedules, I think Chris could adapt relatively well. The Ivy Saga (which, granted, was ten years ago) had Chris enthusiastically embrace her imposed daily schedule (or at least her suggested waking hours). The problem is, as soon as you leave Chris alone long enough, it’s goodbye, schedule.
     
  3. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat "Modernly Tech Savvy"

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2017
    Messages:
    8,506
    Likes Received:
    19,883
    What if jail at least ends the "Dimensional Merge" crap by "starving" it: Chris sees nothing happening towards "da merge", and there's no more "enablers" around to reinforce the delusion that "da merge is on"?
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2021
  4. TiggleYaPoosay

    TiggleYaPoosay I Can Roll My Tongue

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2017
    Messages:
    1,124
    Likes Received:
    3,626
    As someone who has….not been to prison but watched a lot of movies and shows about prison, my advice for Chris is to find the biggest guy in the yard and just walk up and start a fight with him. He’s either going to show that he’s tough and garner respect from the other inmates or he’ll become that guys bitch and be protected.
     
  5. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,141
    Likes Received:
    3,500
    Serious answer: low-security prison or a mental institution could be the best thing to happen to Chris. Gets him off the internet, forces him to have structure and interact with real human beings.
     
  6. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat "Modernly Tech Savvy"

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2017
    Messages:
    8,506
    Likes Received:
    19,883
    So kind of like Manchester, but without the "Gal-Pals"?
     
  7. ICanFeelTheCosmos0704

    ICanFeelTheCosmos0704 the augh yeah man

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    6,344
    Likes Received:
    12,808
    I've heard that to survive in prison you either have to be resourceful and adaptable or completely insane. Chris has the insanity down so he might be OK
     
  8. Henry Bemis

    Henry Bemis On an eight-hour tour of a graveyard

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2017
    Messages:
    142
    Likes Received:
    578
    Ten years after release, Chris learns everyone was only nice because the warden said shankings get ya extra time.
     
  9. c-no

    c-no autistic screeching war mascot with horse cringe

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    948
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Chris won't survive the games of Prison Kick the Autistic. Seriously though, regardless of which kind of prison Chris lands in, the prisoners will make short work of Chris one way or another.
     
    One Too Many and Fauna Fox like this.
  10. Lucas Blakeman

    Lucas Blakeman Brave Lieutenant

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2020
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    8
    Well, Chris will be released from jail
     
  11. Duhtay Wodes

    Duhtay Wodes The Uh-Mehwican Dwe-yum

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    Messages:
    1,502
    Likes Received:
    3,847
    You're an odd little duck, aren't ya Lucas?
     
  12. Minimal Effort

    Minimal Effort Bring out your dead.

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2017
    Messages:
    2,247
    Likes Received:
    5,416
    Going to have to disagree here.

    chris has basically shown when fighting that he flails wildly or runs. Without the basics of how to hold yourself, how to make a proper fist and where to strike an opponent, chris will just end up bleeding on the floor.

    Even in a minimum security prison, one of the inmates main forms of entertainment (keeping there sanity) is exercise and preparing to fight for your life.

    Also the extra padding chris has wont do him any good. Most prisoners know where to make a hit count, pressure points and joints are easy targets no matter how much flab you have.

    This reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer became a professional boxer. Against a true fighter chris has zero chance.
     
  13. Lucas Blakeman

    Lucas Blakeman Brave Lieutenant

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2020
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    8
    Yeah right
     
  14. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat "Modernly Tech Savvy"

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2017
    Messages:
    8,506
    Likes Received:
    19,883
    To put it in the way of the monsters of the pocket, Chris has really high defense, but almost no attack.
     
  15. Duhtay Wodes

    Duhtay Wodes The Uh-Mehwican Dwe-yum

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    Messages:
    1,502
    Likes Received:
    3,847
    I'm glad you agree.

    Anyway, back on topic:

    I really can't see Chris lasting long in prison without *major* protection.

    The first time an inmate comes up to him and goes "Give me your food, bitch...." and Chris just goes "Sonichu, get this ho-mo away from me!", he'll be in for a world of hurt.
     
  16. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,141
    Likes Received:
    3,500
    He’s not going to a federal supremax prison, he’s going to a regional county jail mostly full of people who just want to serve out their time. Might get his ass kicked a few times for being autistic, he’s not gonna get stabbed.
     
  17. Duhtay Wodes

    Duhtay Wodes The Uh-Mehwican Dwe-yum

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2017
    Messages:
    1,502
    Likes Received:
    3,847
    My comment was more in jest then actual serious thought, but I see what you mean.
     
  18. Minimal Effort

    Minimal Effort Bring out your dead.

    Joined:
    Feb 24, 2017
    Messages:
    2,247
    Likes Received:
    5,416
    If this goes to trial and he gets convicted, then he goes to prison.

    At that point a state run prison meeting chris will be... interesting.
     
  19. Lucas Blakeman

    Lucas Blakeman Brave Lieutenant

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2020
    Messages:
    25
    Likes Received:
    8
    Yep
     
  20. Fauna Fox

    Fauna Fox Obscure 90s Nicktoon waifu

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2017
    Messages:
    5,138
    Likes Received:
    8,298
    I think regardless of what kind of prison he's going to end up in, Chris is going to die. Reminder that he isn't exactly physically healthy by any rational definition of the word, and could very likely die from things like heart failure or diabetes.

    (Then again, Chris proved me wrong when he somehow managed to survive slicing his taint wide open, so you can never really tell with him.)