Quite possibly one of the most horrendous pieces of literature I've ever had the displeasure of reading through. Sold on Amazon under self-publishing for about, oh, ten dollars I think? It's a book that tries way too hard to be deep, written by someone who outright admits he hasn't read a single book since high school (being that he was about 32 when he wrote this, that's about 14 years difference to not ever read anything.) To him, his "book" was the last thing he ever read at the time. My review is an attempt to recall everything I've read of this book. I'll be posting chapter by chapter to save myself time instead of writing this all at once. Chapter 1: He Didn't Make Chapter Titles So I'll Do It For Him Stones to Abbigale begins with our protagonist, James, who is a 17 year old high school at a high school I can't be assed to remember. Something like Lakewood high school or some stupid horseshit. It's not important. None of this is important. It begins with James waking up after having a dream and talks about how he's been emotionally "unexplored for years" and how he didn't understand anything without solving what "love" is. He awakens in his room that is painted white and says that it was out of an "act of self-harm" and that he regrets it entirely. At this point, we barely know what he's about. He notices his alarm clock has stopped working and continues to pontificate on how it "illuminated a blank stare." A bizarre choice of words to describe a clock, surely. He then proceeds to leave his house without breakfast, and goes off describing himself as "casual and dorky." Up until this point, I've felt zero of any "dorkiness" that emanates this character. It reads like someone who watched a couple of YouTube philosophers and now feels as if they're an expert on the subject. Moving on, as we've only just started this miserable mess of literature. James, late for school, grabs a tardy note (written by... him, I guess?) grabs his roller skates and heads for school. He passes a couple of students, Lauren and Raymon (Ramon?), one of these students will never get mentioned again, or have dialogue with their name showing up. He comments on how they're both cutting class to hide in a church somewhere to smoke and make out. This is also never really brought up again. James arrives at his history class, headed by Mr. Hanson, (I want to call him Mr. Hansen and make a couple of "have a seat" jokes, but I'm sure that's been done to death). Mr. Hanson is described as anger-prone and I think I remember him mentioning him being overweight, but I can't for the life of me remember any actual details about his physical appearance. Then again, that's not even Mr. Hanson, that's every fucking character in this book. James sits down in class and goes through it with really no interest at all, whatsoever. Once class ends, James leaves and Mr. Hanson tells him that "we still need to talk" but James pretty much shrugs it off and says "I can't be late, I need to go stalk this goth girl and get the plot rolling!" Obviously, Mr. Hanson knows what it's like to want that qt goth gf and let's him off the hook. Mr. Hanson does nothing to stop him and this isn't the last time it will happen. In fact, James does a fair amount of shit and gets away with it with little consequence for his actions. By this point, you're probably wondering "well, the story sounds pretty awful, but what about the grammar?" I think the best way to put it is that you should steer clear from reading this in an effort to gauge what proper syntax is, like, at all. I say this as someone whose editor has to correct them on incorrect comma placements in dialogue all the time, but dialogue isn't formatted at all properly. Oftentimes, he'll format his dialogue like this: She said, "hello." I said, "hi" back. And even then that's probably not right. I took a break from writing so I could actually LEGALLY ACQUIRE A PDF so I could provide examples. Sometimes seeing is believing, especially with garbage this bad. But back to the story at hand. James heads over to his next class, which is art, taught by Mrs. Stanley. Before he arrives, a fight is breaking out with a jock and some other kid getting the shit beaten out of him. James bloviates about how it seems so barbaric for men to fight with their fists and how it's so awful for anyone to do anything like that. James proceeds into his class, and sits down. Those same jocks that were just mentioned come storming into art class screaming "DUDE I THINK JOHN'S DONE BRO!" This is real. It's at this point we're then introduced to our... Antagonist? Except not really? Jason is just an asshole jock football player who likes to fight, talk a bunch of shit, and... Fight? He's also the character I could potentially seeing having more character than the book's own protagonist, but that's only because I needed some way to cope with the fact I was going through this awful mess. "We won't see them for a week at least," Jason says, laughing. This fight with John is never brought up again, and nothing happens to Jason from it. It just kinda sails by. So, now we're in art class, and I had just mentioned that James had a cute goth gf he wanted to stalk, so I'd better not delay it. Art class begins and Mrs. Stanley gives some stupid art project as a handout for everyone to, quote, "take one thing you and your partner own, and put them together. The two will become one." I've never done art projects like this, and I don't know if I've ever been told to destroy my own property in order to make some "art" with it. Maybe it's a new age thing, or maybe Onision is just really fucking bad at coming up with ideas. Now, looking it over again, I thought James barely knew this girl, and this was their first encounter, but I was wrong. James is obsessed with this girl named Abbi. Abbi is some goth chick who's quiet all the time, and for some reason, he's just head over heels mad in love with her. This is the exactly how it reads. It's so overly wordy it's hard to gauge what the fuck this dude is saying. James just continues on how important she is, like some serial killer who's about to cut off this chick's face and wear it over his penis. I'm exaggerating, just a little, but we've seen zero dialogue of these two interacting. It's just simply "I'm madly obsessed with this woman for no real reason." It makes no sense for this guy to be in love with her. I get it, she may be attractive physically, but we don't even know what she fucking looks like. We don't even know what James, our fucking protagonist, looks like. So while we're in class, Mrs. Stanley goes on about pairing people up and how if you have complaints, ring her 1-800 number (though it's written as 1800 in her dialogue and that makes no sense when formatted that way). James then goes off talking about some weirdo named Alex and how he dreads being paired up with him, recalling some memory about how he peed in a jar. No, really. He goes off about how this guy Alex pissed in a jar and how he's some weirdo for it, but it's never at all brought up again, so you'd wonder why is this relevant? Who gives a shit?