Let's Read Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider's The Rules series

A Better Dating Advice Book Than "The Rules"

by ToroidalBoat

Don't be a jerk? The End.​

 

I am circling back to Rule for Marriage and covering the chapter about engagement and wedding

Do these people realize that often times venues and stuff are booked very far in advance and you can't get an opening until a year and a half? Plus, what if you want a certain season of wedding? Also, there is the factor of saving money for a wedding. This is from someone who has had a 2 year engagement (despite being over 25) which actually worked because the Covid restrictions were starting to loosen by the time we had it and also, my family and I had to save money. I do see what they mean in that you should have a date set ASAP when you are engaged, but I think two years ahead of time should just be the maximum for everyone.

They have a chapter on this in the previous book which if I ever cover this I will talk about, but these people forget that often times moving in together makes sense from a financial standpoint, especially since rent can be expensive. A lot of people don't have the privilege to live separately.

Don't be a bridezilla

Honestly? You shouldn't talk to him at work at all, I suppose if you must, maybe on lunch break or if it is an emergency, but when I am at work, I just want to work and not be distracted.

I have to agree this especially applies nowadays with social media. A lot of women expect the perfect wedding and end up becoming all bridezilla.

I have read plenty of stories on reddit of people starving at weddings either because there is not enough food or the food is bad or there isn't food they can have, or the food came late. They might not complain to your face, but they will talk behind your back or complain about it on the internet or to friends. Seriously, food is probably the most important thing with a wedding reception, the decorations could be really shitty, but the food is what people will remember.

This is definitely good advice since some grooms tend to not care about the wedding and just would rather show up. I still think it is a good idea to run stuff by him even if he is like "okay" or have him be involved in the "fun stuff" like food tastings and whatnot. It is his wedding after all.

Finally it ends on this

This chapter isn't too bad, the only part that I sort of disagree with is the one year time limit on engagements just because of how impractical it is sometimes to book things in less than a year. As long as you have a wedding date set shortly after you get engaged, you are fine.

 

This is very similar to what I know from FDS, especially 'man should offer a ring and don't live together'. They also put a lot of emphasis on the cost of the diamond, as I would expect. Isn't it something like two months of the guy's salary?

 

the virgin modern wedding

the Chad Paleolithic wedding

Spoiler

(the latter could be free because no money)

(also there's evidence monogamy started to take off as early as millions of years ago)

 

Having standards is OK, but the FDS crowd believe that the relationship itself doesn't matter, only the symbols of wealth do. Also they don't believe men should have standards.

 

Rules for Sex in Marriage

This should be good, good as in, completely horrifying.

Are you sure you will be happier because I feel that will just lead to resentment after a while and resentment is a huge poison in marriage. Also, it is basically saying you are obligated to give him sex not matter what, even if there is a very legit reason, which usually if a woman doesn't want sex, it is usually a symptom of a bigger problem in a relationship, like the fact she is carrying to much of the mental load or she isn't orgasming consistently and sex isn't pleasurable for her. Also, I feel like in a long term relationship, sex every day isn't really sustainable in the long term and I think as you get older and have kids, quality over quantity tends to be key. Sex at least once or twice a week is a more realistic long term expectation, if you have it more, then great!

It then leads to a story

How wild are we talking about? Like, wild in the kinky way or wild in the fact that he was having a lot of novelty with multiple partners? If it is the first, kinks and fetishes should have been discussed beforehand and he shouldn't be forcing his wife to do all of the stuff he has seen in porn, she is not his porn star. As for novelty with mulltiple partners? Then he shouldn't have gotten married or maybe found someone who wanted an open relationship from the beginning.

The fact Keith gets angry every time is a huge red flag. Also, those are valid excuses. Keith needs to help her out more so she isn't so exhausted and help take care of her when she is on her period. Also, again, is sex even pleasurable to her?

That's because there wasn't all of these day to day responsibilities that happened before they married, especially with kids. I feel like Keith is the guy who "helps" with the kids and leaves the hard stuff to Maria rather than being an actual parent.

So basically have sex with him else he might cheat? Got it...

"Helps" with the kids, just like I expected, he is leaving the actual hard parenting stuff to Maria... Also, paying bills isn't enough, with a job, a you work for like 8ish hours then come home, housework and children are a 24/7 job. Your wife needs a break. Also, a lot of times if the woman is also working, a lot of guys don't pick up the slack and still leave it to the wife which is totally not fair to her.

That is nice and all, but someone has to take care of the house and kids and not everyone can afford a maid or a babysitter regularly. Keith is obviously not helping out. Also, the issue with porn is a valid boundary to have, now, there is a difference between a full blown addict that watches it every day and someone who watches it maybe once a week, but also, porn can cause erectile dysfunction and cause dissociation during sex because you trained your brain to get off to those fantasies rather than your partner and sex can be caused to feel disconnected.

That is actually really bad because Keith will think he is doing something right and thinks she is enjoying it when in reality, she isn't feeling any pleasure from it. Faking orgasms is the worst thing you can do as good sex requires communication.

Well no shit Keith was thrilled, he gets what he wants. Also, I kind of wonder whether or not this will be sustainable in the long run.

This chapter has so much wrong with it that I am going to divide it into two parts. The next part we will cover the high drive wife and what she should do

 

Seriously, boomers, what the hell were you thinking?!

 

at least not all "Boomers" are like that

(just like not all "Zoomers" are the same)

 

Oh god, these people made a song about The Rules!

 

Is this by the same women who made this?

As the kids say this is gigacringe. No, scratch it, it might be tera or petacringe.

 

Here is something about The Rules from the 90s where they interview them

 

That "The Rules" thing sounds like a cult.

(Is America the birthplace of the most cults in the post-industrial world?)

 

Probably. Not to get too political but the whole concept of American patriotism and exceptionalism can be a little cultish in itself.

 

seems cult-think is as American as apple pie and baseball

anyway - shouldn't this thread be in the "Books" section?

 

I thought it was, I guess not

 

Here is a more in-depth interview with the authors

 

hey @Cyan

could you move this thread to the books place?

 

Yeah, seriously, I swear I posted it in books, did someone move it here or something?