FB 2/18 - Countdown to 35th birthday

This post is the best argument in favour of having an "optimistic" rating that I've seen.

 

chris' most remarkable feature has got to be his insane luck. he always seems to get away without so much as a slap on the wrist.

even death doesn't want to take him right now.

 

He's house burned down, he has several websites dedicated to making fun of him and he has autism.
I wouldn't call him lucky really, just good at avoiding shit

 

• Chris' hair will gain sentience just as it slips off the back of his head and lands on the floor, only to become feral and drag itself to the sewers. Chris will then proceed to beg for people to buy him a wig, only to buy one for himself. It will be ugly and tacky as all fuck and he'll probably wear it the wrong way.
• Barb will die surrounded her precious hoard, upon which the Hoard will absorb her. She will become one with the hoard and house, and the house and hoard shall become one with her, transforming 14BC into a Barb-esque version of Monster House.
• Chris will be able to keep 14BC for a while after his mother's passing, but will ultimately lose it and the Homelessness Saga will begin. In a shocking turn of events Chris will reunite with his lost feral hair, only to find that it was tamed by a pretty feminine wig that it made into a sweetheart from the ground up. Chris will grow jealous and call his hair a troll.

 

the funny thing is, his ever thinning hairline is receding, so that's just hilarious

 

Chris in the future

 

Gotta factor in the Tomgirl quotient

 

He looks older than I do and I'm everyone's mom here!

 

Chris wishes he looked as good as you.

 

He does really look like he's in his forties at the very least.

I was looking back on his old videos and while he looked about his age, sort of, I think it was more because he was a lot more animated and childish.

These days, with the gross hair, and old marm clothes, and slowing of his metabolism, he's just looking even more ancient. I guess when your only female role-model is a withered old crone, such traits can be assimilated.

 

Maybe this will be the year I send Chris some cheap, yet pretty socks, since I've been threatening that since begging began.

 

Wow, 35. And Chris hasn't had a party since his 18th. What a raging one that was.

 

Just woke up, saw this, what a great way to start my day, also spent the weekend at a very fun, small con, FINALLY got back in a costume (I was NOT DJ Vinyl Scratch, but I did see a guy at least 60 who had grown out, old, scary faded, tranny grandma mermaid hair and even HE wore it better than Chris!) and saw lots of old friends. I love you guys, I truly do. And, not joking, when the Love is Love pic first popped up I showed it to Partner Chandler Cats who went, "Jesus, he looks OLDER than we do!" ... Then we laughed.

 

35? My god.

 

Just think next year, his life-span will have doubled since he had a birthday with friends. He will literally have spent half of his life pinning for his high school days.

Even though its all Chris's fault that he's the way that he is, there is something sad about this.

 

What makes this even sadder is he seems to be going after Megan again. He drove her away almost a decade ago, and he seems to want her back.

 

^ in da immortal words of the great director chandler on his 25th birthday presentation, always remember your first love, because that one is special.

 

Chris is going to be middle aged on Friday and we don't know what insanity the future will bring.

My predictions:

Chris will continue to beg, Kengle sends him sardines again.
Barb lives to be as old as Bob or older (she's 75 and Bob lived to be 84) and is a shut-in relying on Chris, making both their lives a nightmare
Chris does a minor crime (I hope it's like Get-Tar again) and gets another slap on the wrist
He goes on another 24 hour road trip, Barb sleeps through the entire thing and doesn't notice
He tries more money making schemes, he gets a cease and desist order from Sega and Nintendo
Chris gets a kettlebell when a troll says it will get him a girlfriend - he tries and fails to sell it on Craigslist for over $100 when that doesn't work
Waterman trolls Chris and goes on and on about how he's a great troll - someone trolls him and he gets butthurt

 

First he's a slow-in-the-minds and now he's a slow-in-the-metabolisms.

 

His hormonal levels are also secreting with lower rates as they don't know what in the hell is going on with his blood this is why he looks like Death. He's "tired" and sick all the time. (He posted a photo last year of him sleeping with a fitful pained expression similar to a opiate addict. You know that deep unconscious frown). Sadly his blood is also slow with the hormones. Smearing Estrogen goop on your breasts would do that.