Legal Jail Letters (ITT: More Evidence Chris Nuttier than Squirrel Shit)

I agree, however, I'll put up a poll thingy to see if people want me to open up the Orbiters node.*

* = May break the site for a bit, or it could turn @NAITCHA BAH into an undulating homogay. LET'S FIND OUT!

 

I like the idea of keeping the orbiters subforums hidden from public view.

 

Getting back on topic, I'm kinda surprised Chris said that Barb is the reincarnation of Merlin, instead of God or an avatar of God. I'd suspected from the way he phrased that letter that he didn't mean to say that Barbara was Emanuelle (or however he calls it these days) but Chris in the past several months has had a habit of blowing every excpectation of decency or humility out of the water. I didn't believe he did the incest at first, I didn't believe he thought he was Jesus at first (sidenote, I'm still kinda floored by that. I thought it wasn't possible for Chris to jump the shark in any meaningful way at this point, but he always finds new ways to impress.)

 

He is probably waiting for the return of Bob to bail him out of this mess. Then proclaim Bob as the almighty.

 

Well, I'm not more shocked by the Jesus thing. I just never thought he would go there. Honestly, it's only recently set in for me just how fucked up this whole situation really is.

Chris is beyond a narcissist. His ego is solipsistic at this point.

 

In hindsight, Chris was always heading in that direction. He'd already made himself the almighty god(dess) and ruler of all omnipotence in CWCville and the Hyperdimension Neptunia games made him think "I wanna be that" so he dug out Bob's old Commodore and declared himself officially a goddess.
What's catching people off-guard is the sudden escalation to being all "I'm Jeebus da aw-mighty!" It didn't necessarily come out of left field or even no where, but I'm guessing that all the stress from everything hastened his latent god-complex powers.

 

I think we just didn't think Chris would actually fuck Barb simply because we didn't actually want to think that the Chris Chan saga would end* on such a vile note. We all expected his story to end badly, just not quite on this level.

*Fuck you Kengle, those letters you're sending to Chris don't count.

 

So help you Bob.

 

There are a few reasons nobody suspected it IMO. While it's a lot more obvious in hindsight, the warning signs displayed by Chris weren't enough to give it away. There were way more red flags for Chris attempting to murder a troll IRL. We all thought Chris was a child, with a child's grasp of relationships and the world. We were wrong.

He just didn't seem the type to commit such an astoundingly fucked up crime, if for no other reason than because they didn't expect him to commit an astounding anything. Sure, he's been arrested before for petty crimes (the Snyder one was barb driving IIRC,) but he hadn't been violent in a while; and be honest, did Chris seem like he had the balls to do something that illegal and reprehensible? Of the lessons that can be learned from Chris's story, we can now add "pay attention to red flags" to the list.

It's basically a textbook plot twist: shocking and unexpected at the time, makes sense in hindsight, and recontexualizes all of christory.

 

You can't turn what already was.

 

Taking bets now on when it's going to be the plot of an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

 

Brand spanking new letter from Kengle everybody!


If you ever wondered why CWC was pissed off over Sonichen & Rosechen. ~ Kengle

Spoiler: The Letter

Spoiler: Accompanying Kengle Art (WARNING: EYE-BLEEDING COLORS)

Spoiler: Summary

*Chris rants about various misinformation being spread about him online, and attempts to recruit his many followers to avenge him for this.

*Throughout the letter, Chris refers to himself as two separate entities: ("Christine Chan" and the the Goddess Blue Heart)

*Chris gives further guidelines on what can be considered canon in Sonichu fanworks:

** The fanwork cannot contain any mention of the events that happened in Chris's life from August 1st onwards unless otherwise noted.

** Chris must be a character in the fanwork to some degree. If he is not the main focus, he must be at least a supporting character.

** Neither Chrises can be depicted as being overweight. Even mentioning it is not allowed.

** A specific piece of lore must be considered when writing the fanwork, in that both Chrises were spiritually lost in 2010 until discovering themselves in 2014 and 2017/2018.

** Chris sets very specific guidelines as to how to represent both Chrises' super powers and their superforms.

** The fanwork cannot make Sonichu and Rosechu siblings or related by blood.

** There cannot be any "INCEST WINCEST" between characters - "Thou Gutter Brains among my followers."

** All drawings/writings for the fanwork must be between TV-Y7 and TV-14 in terms of content.

** If a character has no visible genitals or nipples, as they are apparently hidden behind their fur, they can be drawn without clothing, but they must have fur. Clothing is optional for Pokemon species characters.

*Chris has also notably rescinded any further invitations to the Sonichu Temple, as he has not received any phone numbers from the people he wanted to regain contact with (Fiona, Sean, and some Praetors).

*Chris also specifies that Barb was actually his EARTH mother, while Emanuelle is his real mother. However, Christine Chan is not the direct daughter of Emanuelle.

*Chris for some reason feels he needs to clarify that Sonichu Prime and Rosechu Prime are not Jesus, though a part of himeself has been implanted into the Pikachu and Rosechu that created them both respectively. He also claims that they are not siblings.

*Chris also gives guidelines on how to donate money to him until he's sent back home, again not elaborating on how he plans on doing this. (All money must been put into a PO box)

Thread | Archive

 

Why is Chris going on a power trip lately? Is his fat ego coping with the upcoming trial?

And if Kengle plans to print that freakish stuff, he should know that RGB-exclusive colors look more muddy in CMYK (also wat).

(also there's a new thread for jail letters)

Or in other words, Chris' ego is more bloated than a fatfur in the "augh yeah" thread.

 

Chris really does write like Comic Sans.