FB 2/15 - Chris feels sick

Sugar one day, salt the next, I wonder what Chris will eat tomorrow?

 

Next week he's going to eat a Walmart birthday cake.

 

I wonder if it will cost more then $9(thats a lotta yen)

 

Hey now, let's be fair to fatty, he's been trying to cook, even if it's that Thanksgiving dinner turkham thing or spinach and eggs he basically brags about. He's no Gordon Ramsey or an average adult, but he can turn the stove on without burning down the town or needing Barb's permission.
But I'll admit you're probably right about the soup since even non-tistic adults go canned soup over making their own, and that shit is like 50% salt.

 

Chris does have these flashes of inspiration when it comes to cooking, I think its because he likes to eat nice things and not just tv-dinners.

 

I think a lot of the hoard was removed while the house was being repaired after the fire. Chris shared a picture of his Thanksgiving dinner on the oven. Granted, it consisted of turkey ham...

 

If it wasn't for the fire, the kitchen would still be inaccessible and Chris wouldn't have gotten into cooking. Barb ragequit cooking over the Spaghetti Incident circa 2000, and started storing hoard in there after that. The kitchen (which is oddly on the 2nd floor) was probably already inaccessible by the time of FUTURE MESSAGE.

No home-cooked meals probably didn't help Bob's health much either.

 

Cambells' Chunky Fanta and Jizz

 

No you don't. You're a male.

 

But if Cwc dies, who will post on fb about it?

 

Plus recursive filtering through videogame terminology. "Leveled up Vertigo spell" totally sounds like a phrase you might see in an RPG.

 

I've heard of people in the 20s having heart attacks, at least the cartoons told Chris(tine) smoking was bad

 

I think he was on Lipitor in his 20's.

 

I think he stopped taking Lipitor on his own as that thing has undesirable side effects like for example, fecal incontinence and problems to get and keep an erection.

 

Oh yeah, gotta keep up that erection for all the lonely nights.

 

Everyone thinks Virginia is just all rural bumblefuck, but as someone who used to live in the area I can say it's quite the opposite. Chris went to Providence Middle & Manchester High, which are in the Chesterfield County area---a place that's nothing but upper middle class people in gated suburban communities with nice schools to match. I went abroad in fifth grade because my elementary school had a French exchange program. That's the kind of area Chris spent his formative years in. So no, the schools were actually much better than one would think. But there's only so much a good school can do for a 'tard who shamelessly slept through his classes & was so obstinate & lazy that he was passed out of pity (or the school system wanted him out of their hair as soon as possible).

As for his deteriorating English, @ToroidalBoat, that's what isolation & minimal human interaction will do to you.

I bet she stores it upside-down in a freezer.

Chris isn't infected with autism. Autism is infected with Chris.

Here's my take---when you're sick as a little kid, your parents make you a bowl of canned condensed chicken noodle soup & tell you you'll feel better if you eat it. As adults, we know that a bunch of salty broth isn't going to cure a virus---you take some cold medicine, chug some NyQuil, & go to bed early so you can get through work tomorrow. But I think on some level we remember how comforting it felt to have a bowl of liquidized salt with sad excuses for noodles & the odd chunk of what was presumably chicken, which is why some adults still find themselves reaching for a can of Campbell's when feeling a bit under the weather. But since Chris is effectively a child, his reasoning is that you eat soup when you're sick because Bob/Barb/TV told him to. Its health or effectiveness does not factor. Adults go to the doctor or buy some medicine because we've learned that this is how you treat illness. Chris sincerely believes he will be cured of whatever ailment with a couple cans of soup.

 

Sometimes part of your ills can actually be a result of not having enough salt in your system, and the miniscule vegetable particles don't exactly hurt you either. Sometimes I help myself recover from feeling sick by chugging the brine from a jar of dill pickles, especially during the summer. Might as well take it in a form that tastes delicious.

Lack of salt is probably not Chris's problem though.

 

Chris is surely salty about lots of things.