The Emoji Movie (Yes It's Real)

I think we were all expecting it to be a flop, but not to this extent. 0% on RT and single-digits elsewhere, holy shit.
Cole Smithey's opinion when

 

It'll probably sell enough merch to make it a success in Sony's eyes anyway so it doesn't matter if its shit or not. People will just forget about it after a while until something similar pops up and the whole cycle starts again.

Followed by Chris passive-aggressively begging for lego money

 

Watch him like it. He has a certifiably horrible taste in movies.

 

It wouldn't shock me at all if the second weekend for this movie tanked hardcore.

 

I hope it does.

Noticed this video that went into why Sony decided Popeye was not a viable success...

 

I went to my grandmother's funeral yesterday instead of watching the emoji movie. It was much more enjoyable and funny.

 

IIRC, Sony's official word on the matter was "LOL, kids aren't gonna know who the fuck Popeye is, why bother releasing a movie with him as the main star?"

 

This is why I feel old. Nobody understands what makes characters like Popeye transcend generations.

 

There was that one time he killed like all of Japan. That might have something to do with it.

 

My favorite line in a review about the movie:

"The deus ex machina in this film is a Twitter icon. Jailbreak and Hi-5, stranded in The Cloud after Gene is kidnapped by some virus bots, use Jailbreak’s secret princess powers to summon an animated blue bird. It flies them back into the phone on its back. I don’t fucking know."

 

If Popeye has to suffer for that, so do Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. They made cartoons with those two destroying Japan too.

 

I found this in the obituaries in the Sunday paper:

Spoiler

CINEMA
December 26, 1895 - July 28, 2017
The art of movie making passed away Friday at the age of 121 after a long battle with poor writing and characterization, overreliance on franchises and brand recognition, an excess of special effects, and sequelitis.

Cinema was born in France to parents Auguste and Louis Lumiere, but quickly became a world traveler. As a child, she harbored many masterpieces such as Intolerance, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, The Gold Rush, and Sunrise: A Song of Two Humans. After learning to speak in 1927, she continued to fill the world with great art. She was famous and beloved for her ability to make people laugh, cry, cheer, and burst out singing. In her spare time, Cinema enjoyed singing in the rain, having makeout sessions on the beach among crashing waves, having showdowns at high noon, dodging bullets in slow motion, and running up the stairs of the Philadelphia Art Museum.

Cinema was preceded in death by her older brother Radio. She is survived by her daughter Television, grandson Online Streaming, and stepson Video Games.

Instead of sending flowers, Cinema wishes that you would sit down and watch literally any other movie besides the Emoji movie.

 

Don't forget Donald Duck!

BEST ORBIT EVER!

 

I'm predicting some DEEP PHILOSOPHICAL 20 minute video about capitalism, the state of modern day culture, consumerism and a long winded, thesaurus filled word salad.

 

I imagine that Emoji Movie will now more be remembered for *this*, rather then the actual movie itself.

Much like the movie "Mr. Popper's Penguins", where more people remember it for the showing at a theater that had two people getting caught having sex (IIRC that is, it was either sex or a woman giving her boyfriend a BJ).

 

Spoiler

A man was arrested for performing a lewd act during a showing of “The Emoji Movie” at a New Jersey movie theater.

Abraham Parnes turned himself into Howell police Thursday night, and was charged with lewdness, police said.

Parnes, 43, was reportedly spotted inside the Xscape movie theater last Friday performing the lewd act.

A mother attending the PG-rated movie with her children spotted Parnes with his hand down his unbuttoned, unzipped pants, Howell police said.

She ran to theater management, who escorted Parnes out of the poorly rated film. The unidentified woman later phoned police.
Parnes, who has addresses listed in Lakewood, N.J., and Brooklyn, couldn’t immediately be reached for comment.

He was released on a summons, Howell police said.

A manager for the Xscape theater declined to comment.

 

>tfw the emoji movie is so shit you have to pleasure yourself instead to have fun

 

Part of me feels like this guy was jerking Jambi knowing that he'd be caught, kinda a "shock value" troll.