Meta What If?

The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to CWCVille

 

Humanity would be pretty flatly doomed, unless the aliens were somehow defeated by a combination of self-entitlement, crapping of dirty briefs, horrific fashion choices, and doing nothing.

 

"Blast! The humans found our one weakness!"

 

The Borg assimilate Chris and they end up crapping themselves, ineffectually seeking 18-current age female cybernetic lifeforms and collecting a tugboat from the Federation. They become the lolcows of the Alpha Quadrant.

Also, what if Chris were like Kengle - has two easy to get part-time jobs, seeks to befriend weirdos online, and made dozens of short-lived websites.

 

There would be less ironic wishing that he'd make more Sonichu and more sincere wishing he'd make more Sonichu.

 

What if Chris played Monopoly? What would his strategy be?

 

Begging the bank player for money that he'll blow on useless Community Chest cards

 

Remember last year when Chris offered the general public a 500 dollar CWCville Etsy store coupon for a PS4? Nobody took that offer obviously.
But, what if someone did?
I ask because the store closed down for failing to make orders not long after, would that person have anyway to get money back or cash in the coupon through Etsy? Was the coupon even valid through Etsy or is it something Chris made up? Could they possibly have any merit for a small claims case against Chris?
I know, I know, people had to have known that the PS4 would eat Chris's life and would (and did) kill the Etsy store, which is one of the (many) reasons nobody took the PS4 offer (the other reasons being; 500 dollars is a lot to spend on memetic crap, you could by every item in the store and still have money left over, money that's now useless, Null's serious warning about not buying from Chris, the idea that giving Chris that much money actually hurts him in the long run, etc.)

 

What is Chris made a podcast?

 

It would be him whining about his stresses and begging for money.

 

So partially like an average one

 

What if the trolls and weens infiltrated his twitter account?

 

We'd be conquered.

 

What if Chris did volunteer work again like he did with the lemonade stand? Other than the charity getting julaay calls.

 

He'd give up when he realizes it's too much effort. Any payment he got would go straight to lego.

 

Trolls i have no idea about, but weens would effectively destroy all of his friendships and load lots of JULAY and other obscene junk onto his twitter

 

Weens: We'd figure it out once they started tweeting "JULAAAAAY"
Actual trolls: It could be the start of something rather... entertaining...

 

The Twitter Saga

 

Chris would give up on Twitter, whine, and then poop himself. He'd make some sort of passive-aggressive word salad and post it on his Facebook.

 

What if Chris spent an entire year in the hyperbolic time chamber?