Michael Hirtes / Mhirtes / DILDO_ON_FOREHEAD / @TheRealCWC93 (FUCK OFF CHRIS!)

Chris has a boring life and sometimes does unexpected things. Hirtes is about as unpredictable as an atom clock

 

Now a little pick from Hirtistory:

Once a junkie always a junkie, once a scrooge always a scrooge: (http://archive.is/d3KLi)


Here come the Lolsuits: (http://archive.is/vj1B0)

 

Looks like Hirtes lives in a different apartment building now than the previous which is why he kept brushing it off before.

 

What's the address? I want to send him a card, or a pizza.

 

I think I saw that place on an episode of Cops.

 

Image is borked

 

His response to the dox on /cow/

 

His lack of self awareness regarding that picture is.... astounding.

 

The newspaper clipping is a spoof so I use it whenether I mention Hirtes.

 

"I get to watch my tormentors crash and burn when their own rotten karma catches up to them."

That's one of the saddest things he's ever typed. He thinks he's being bullied by mean trolls online, and he comforts himself by believing that all of them will eventually fall from grace and live worse lives than him.

 

You know, for someone who likes to sperg out about "HUR DUR, I'M NOTHING LIKE CHRIS-CHAN!", Hirtes is acting an awful like like him with that whole "I HOPE MY TORMENTORS DIE AND BURN IN HELL!" talk.

 

We haven't even figured out what his favorite Pizza Hut toppings are yet!

 

Salt, probably.

 

We did, but now the information is outdated.

 

Hirtes must have this cool super secret apartment underground other than the two we know about.

You can find the exact coordonates on the /cow/ thread.

 

New topic- guess what Hirtes likes on his shitty Pizza Hut pizza. My guess is not veggies.

 

Btw guys, I linked the Hirtes cow thread in the OP so you can get back to it easier.

 

Salt, bacon with extra salt and fat
Saucee: I called His Favourite Pizza Place™, pretending to be him and asked for the usual.

 

I wonder if Hirtes is the classic fat, bald pedo look or the less common skinny with bad nutrition pedo look. Either way extra fat sauce on your pizza fatty?