Meta What If?

He'd be the oldest ,fattest gay man alive.

 

What if Chris stashes drugs in his toys?

 

McDonald's would have a new ad campaign.

 

What if Chris was @Hellblazer's father?

Spoiler

 

Anyone who's seen a picture of @Hellblazer knows that's impossible.

 

What if it was 1987 now and Chris was born in 1952?

 

If it was 1987 now we wouldn't have public internet to make fun of him. He'd be a local legend and a small band of weens would start a zine and trade VHS tapes to follow and share his antics.

What if Chris was a brilliant polyglot and was fluent in multiple languages?

 

what if chris had a stroke and an orgasm at the same time?

 

It would sound like his orgasm noise from the end of "For Julie's Eyes Only".

 

What if Clyde Cash murdered Barb right in front of Chris's eyes?

 

He would inconsistently mingle the words from all those languages into various sentences and use syntax incorrect to all of them.

 

What if Chris were to be suddenly sworn into the Oval Office on his 35th birthday?

 

Not to mention no sanic or pikachu.

 

I believe the medical term for that condition is aphasia, which is common in those with brain injuries, so....
...actually, that makes perfect sense.

 

We'd finally have the first woman president!

 

What if Chris decided to become a macho Jace-esque dudebro instead of a Tomgirl back in 2011?

Do you think he would've become a full-on MRA or alt-righter instead of an SJW transgender fake lesbian?

 

Nah, he's too desperate for china to go too far in that direction.
Also,

Fixed it for you.

 

What if Christian and the Hedgehog Boys (the album) was certified Diamond by the RIAA?