What's Gonna Happen When Chris Finally Dies?

Let's talk about Chris dying.

What are the CWCki, Kiwi Farms, and this site gonna do when Chris finally kicks it?
Who is likely to die first? Chris or Barb?
What year do you think Chris will die?
Do you think Chris will legitimately try to postpone his death if he realizes he's dying?
Who would go to Chris's funeral?
Will Chris complete his Love Quest he dies?
Chris's views on death.

 

I can imagine chris funeral with every troll crying over him

 

He'll be dead.

 

I wonder how many Kiwis would make the pilgrimage to the funeral.

 

I don't think Barb will be able to support herself without Chris around.

 

What are the CWCki, Kiwi Farms, and this site gonna do when Chris finally kicks it? Kiwi Farms: laugh, maybe feature the thread, and go back to their dox-fest. CWCki: Go on a blitz of editing, aiming to perfect every article. Then, once the mods are satisfied that the CWCki is in order, they will shut down all accounts in order to perfectly preserve it for future visitors. This site: Forumwide week of mourning. All avatars are changed to black, similar to what some people did after Hillary lost.
Who is likely to die first? Chris or Barb? Well, they both have unhealthy lifestyles, but Barb is older, so I say Barb.
What year do you think Chris will die? Um... *rolls d20* 2028.
Do you think Chris will legitimately try to postpone his death if he realizes he's dying? Nah, I think he'd be one of those 'might as well have a good time with my last days' types.
Who would go to Chris's funeral? Lots of weens, Rocky Shoemaker, maybe a few people from his church, Christorians who live in the area, (if he hasn't alienated them by then) his LGBTQ friends in the area, possibly Westboro Baptist Church.
Will Chris complete his Love Quest he dies? No, his health and situation are only getting worse. (Unless someone hires a prostitute to pretend to fall in love with him.)

 

I think that what people need to consider, is just how long Bob lived, and how long Barb has been hanging on for, they both proved to be pretty sturdy, even with bug bites, hearts attacks and the horde. Chris will probably live to a grand old age and quite probably outlive a few of us.

 

I think that the un-clit 2.0 will kill him, so I voted suicide.

 

I think Chris may even live into his 50s, 60s and beyond. It sounds horrifying, but it's likely.

 

When Chris dies, it'll be sad because it's death and it's not a pleasant thing. But tbc I am curious myself what might happen-

But it's in the future, we won't know until it happens.

 

Well maybe Chris will complete his love quest AFTER he dies, in some horribly twisted afterlife.

 

I can imagine it being a lonely funeral, without anyone mourning him because nobody who knows Chris IRL cares enough as to attend his funeral.
On the other hand, the internet will explode.

 

Chris has irl friends from the groups he goes to, and from the little I know about them, they are the kind of people who would go to Chris' funeral, so I think the idea of it being a lonely affair is inaccurate.

 

I have never seen any of these IRL friends some people keep claiming Chris has.

The guy likes to brag and keep a tight control of all people he meets IRL so one would expect him to post a pic or at least talk about them.

 

Same. I'm sure those from the gay club or the group would go to Chris' funeral at the very least. I'm sure some "trolls" who live in the area would go as well. I know from experience that when a goer of a club passes away / a regular passes away, some people from the establishment go to their funeral.

The internet would mourn for him definitely though. The loss of life is tragic, even if Chris is a shitty person, them dying would be a sad thing.

 

If Chris has learned one thing, its to keep his mouth shut, he hardly says anything about what he does irl, he goes to a group to play pokemon cards every week, but you wont see any mention of that on his page, or any mention of going to see The Lego Batman movie with the people from that group.

 

A ween will set him on fire and the farms will be shut down.

 

Knowing out luck, Chris will actually be some kind of autistic immortal and nothing short of decapitation will stop him.

Barring that possibility, he'll be a stubborn fat fuck that outlives the internet being a place of free thoughts and exchange and we'll have to close shop because the seven-headed serpent of Time/Warner/Disney/AOL/whatever deems it unprofitable.

He'll be well into his 80s and have a massive stroke somewhere in the hoard, and his body will be eaten by feral cats. Eventually his desecrated body will be found, he will become part of the local urban legends, then his house his be bulldozed to the ground so they can build a new overpass to go to the Super-Mega-Wal-Mart Pleasuredome.

 

That's the perfect ending to the tragedy known as Chris's life.