Meta What's a pet peeve you have about "Newbies" to Christory

yeah, same here
a lot of my favorite Chris moments are before 2007 when his pic was posted online
those events, like getting kicked out of PVCC and getting arrested at Target, prove Chris was a screwup even before the trolls got to him

although stuff like I'LL BREAK YOU DEAD! and Liquid Chris couldn't have happened without the trolls

 

Spoiler: gross

IIRC he thought "DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS" can happen with a "psychic link" -- so "magic"-induced incontinence. BTW that was during the "Jackie Saga", and it's clear he was oblivious to the fact that non-freaks may find that rather gross.

 

Indeed, but they are the exception, not the norm...

What's funny isn't what's been done to Chris, it's the bizarre responses he has to it that show just who he is...

Instead of going "Huh, my cheap medallion got destroyed, the one I can easily make another of. Oh well, live and learn I guess." and admitting it never had any powers, he had to be a child and say the powers were "Transferred to my ring cause I knew this would happen! Even though I did it anyway!"

It's the kind of logic I'd have as a kid if I lost my "Security Blanket", and had to use a new one, I'd probably make up some backstory that it was an upgraded version or the "Powers found a new host" or something...


The keywords being "As a kid"

 

my knowledge of Chris lore is rusty, but didn't the trolls screw with Chris and try to get a big reaction, and Chris didn't really care, and vice versa, they did something offhand and weren't really expecting much of a reaction, and Chris freaked out?

 

Pretty much, Chris runs off of his own set of logic, and we can only guess at what that is.

Murder his girlfriend? Eh he can find another
Sonic has blue arms? THIS IS THE END OF THE WORLD!

He's also kind of a sociopath so it's hard to tell what he'll give a shit about.

 

Another example is the Miyamoto saga. What's funny about that wasn't the troll pretending to be Shigeru Miyamoto, it was the fact that it showed just how stupid Chris Chan can be by actually thinking that Nintendo (or any company, for that matter) would actually want to help make his Sonichu empire.
If the troll posing as Miyamoto did such a thing nowadays, he would rightfully be seen as a try hard ween. We only talk about him (or rather, Chris's responses to him) because he just so happened to get in there at the right time, if anything.

 

That's likely because that freak sees Sonic as unalterable, but "Lovely Weather" is merely a position to fill.

 

The full context behind the infamous "DIRTY, CRAPPED, BRIEFS" incident is that Clyde Cash and BILLY MAYS were making fun of Chris in IRC after he accepted their invitation to chat in the #sonichu channel, by telling him he wears panties because he's a closeted homosexual.

They knew better than anyone back then that calling Chris gay was a really easy way to get under his skin and get a reaction out of him. So Chris said "I have NUMBERS OF PAIRS OF DIRTY, CRAPPED BRIEFS." as a retort, as to say that he wears briefs enough to shit himself in them and have to wash them. By far one of the biggest self-owns in Christory. You can read the full context here on the CWCki if you're that curious to refresh your memory, but I'm warning you now, that shit is extremely long.

As a side note, I think what in hindsight makes it as funny as it was how mad Chris would get over being called gay is it shows how immature he's always been. Seriously, unionically getting mad because people are calling you gay? Are you in 6th grade?

 

Hate to double post, but I just feel the need to mention this for the unaware. The Shigeru Miyamoto troll was Clyde Cash using a spoofed email. The email spoofing software is where the weird random backslashes in those emails came from.

Clyde was also who the Reggie Fils-Aime troll was. The last three emails he sent under the "Reggie" persona make this insanely obvious, and it was amazing that spelling it out this clearly is what it took for Chris to realize that he was talking to a troll impersonating Reggie and Miyamoto. Clyde made it as obvious as he could that it was him, just barely falling short of literally admitting it.

Spoiler: Clyde Cash making it as obvious as possible

Chris: Well, I WILL continue to Haunt, Pester and Bother you until the project becomes Uncancelled and Shelved for until I AM ABLE to make the trip. I will Haunt Your Dreams, with God by my side helping me to do that.
And if you do not like it, well I Triple-Dog Dare you AND Mr. Miyamoto to come to my house in Virginia Yourselves, talk to me and my family, and settle the matter like it should have been, have I been able to AFFORD to make the trip in the first place. Or, you all can very well bring me, my family and friends to Charlotesville, Virginia Court to settle this under a court of law. I have a SLEW of friends and family who will help me in court, and even define my own personal character as a humble human being.

Peace,
Christian Weston Chandler.

Clyde: Dare us? That doesn't make any sense. Why should we come to your house? For one, we have no business with you now, and even if we did, you'd still have to make an appointment and come to our office.
But it's too late for that. We've already found someone who knows how to take responsibility for himself and conduct himself in an appropriate matter, and we're giving the project over to him.

He calls himself Clyde Cash. He's a real stand up guy. Unlike you, he took the initiative to not only to schedule an appointment with us and arrive on time (exactly on time, right at the very second), but also showed us the utmost respect and humility. Not once did he ever lash out at us, or harass us like you have done so far.

Not only that, he showed us that he can take care of himself, he has the leadership qualities we look for in an employee of this company.

He is a self made man with a honest hard working job, two degrees in things actually relevant to our business (one in game design, the other in fine arts, both from prestigious universities, and apparently he has degrees in many other things, he's a real a jack of all trades) and he even plans on getting married and having a child soon (he showed me a picture of him standing together with his future wife, Sarah. They make a good couple).

I don't understand why you couldn't be more like this guy? I mean, he came here on time, he didn't even have to beg us for money (and he even refused our offer to reimburse him), he is independent and lives on his own (you'll never see him ask his "mommy and daddy" for anything) and above all else, he's just all around a great guy who knows how to get things done and kick ass and take names.

I mean, couldn't you at least be half the guy this guy is? Is that too much to ask? But it doesn't matter now, we've finally found the guy we're looking for and you're not needed anymore.

Anyway, I look forward to working with our new business partner (and now, employee, as I have promoted him to a senior game designer position) and I can't wait start working with him on this project.

Be on the lookout for it, because this is going to be good, very good, even better than anything you offered us, and honestly better than anything we've ever seen. This Cylde Cash guy, he's brilliant. I'm thinking he could easily become the next Miyamoto, or even better. But yeah, this is going to be good.

Even though you'll have no part in this, I'm sure you'll still be able to enjoy it once it comes out because something this good, I mean, it would be downright stupid to want to miss something like this. It's going to be amazing.

Sincerely,
Reggie Fils-Aime

Chris: Clyde is NOT stealing my Sonichu and Rosechu, is he?

Clyde: Sorry that's classified information.

Clyde: Dear Chris,
We sent a letter to you. I'm sure you heard from a man named Mike Chandler by now. It's true, Mr. Miyamoto no longer has an appointment scheduled with you, nor will we acknowledge any longer that he had any correspondence with you anymore. The project is dead and buried and all Nintendo employees have been told to never acknowledge that the project ever existed.
I already told you before that the project was canceled due to your inaction. We will not accept any more unsolicited game suggestions or business requests from you. As we mentioned, Mr. Miyamoto does make occasional business trips to the U.S. (and your previous appointment, which has expired and been erased from memory, was one of those trips), but for now he is back in Japan where he usually spends the majority of his time.

Now that you have received the letter, consider the cancellation official. It was nice doing business with you, but we will not make any games or take any ideas you have into consideration nor will we make Sonichu the game or anything related to it.

Sincerely,
Reggie Fils-Aime
President
Nintendo of America, Inc.

Chris: And it is Official that YOU, Sir ARE an IMPOSTOR. You blatently croped and copied a piece of the letterhead from the letter I've uploaded onto my server, and you have obviously forged that signature.

I am Ceasing my contact with you at Your current E-mail address, as well as "Mr. Miyamoto"'s E-mail address, because You BOTH were IMPOSTOROUS TROLLS. So you can QUIT your Cherade, you bastards.

 

It's telling he wasn't willing to see this as fraud and fakery until they were no longer appealing to his desires.

It reminds me of when he tried to win the Pa Rappa contest by making a fake website that disqualified Adam Steakhouse.

I think Chris thinks he can rewrite reality. Is a fake Miyamoto giving him what he wants? Well if he wants it bad enough then he can make it real

Is a real Miyamoto refusing him? Eh he's fake now

 

It's not so much general observers but it seems like anyone who interacts with Chris at some point, even if mostly to troll him, at some points tries a half-hearted attempt to make Chris improve somewhat--be this actually improving his outlook on life, his social skills and boundaries, or just trying to tell Chris to direct his fame to more productive avenues such that he can monetize it. But it never works, because Chris is Chris. You're not going to make him exercise, bathe properly, wear well fitting clothes, or stop inappropriately touching women, nor get him into making let's plays, making Sonichu consistently, or streaming, etc.

People can change, but it is relatively rare--past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior, and we know so much about Chris' past behavior there's an extensive wiki on it. You're not going to "fix" him.

 

Eh I'm still a firm believer that anyone can change if they really try, however I'm just as firm a believer in the idea that Chris-Chan will NEVER try

 

Oh, of course. People can change, it's just that there's such a history with Chris where it makes it hard for me to take seriously some person thinking "look 100 people have tried before me but I will be the one to make Chris turn his life around."

 

Like how weens keep trying to ween and make fools of themselves, while thinking that "surely this time will be different", as all of them try to become "The Next Clyde Cash"?

 

I fucking love how Clyde is broken by this response and is just confused that anyone would voluntarily offer that information, and while trying to get Chris to understand how weird it was that he'd just admit to it, Chris ignored him and kept going on about shitting himself.

That was kind of when I knew Chris wasn't just some bizarre oddity, he was the polar opposite of Superman.

If Clark Kent represents the best traits of the human spirit, Chris is fucking Bizzaro.