Sonic Sez segments that Chris didn't learn from

Discussion in 'CWC Discussion' started by Fauna Fox, Nov 27, 2019.

  1. Fauna Fox

    Fauna Fox Obscure n64 furry waifu

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    As we all know, Chris was one of the two winners of the Sonic Watch & Win Sweepstakes, which involves watching the "Sonic Sez" segments of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog, and then writing down what they learned.
    To anyone that has seen these segments and follow Chris's antics online, they would also know that Chris didn't take those lessons to heart. So this is the thread where I count and tally up what Chris never learned.

    1. Sexual harassment is no good (Megan)
    2. Graffiti and vandalism (Sonic Boom protests)
    3. Being wary of misleading marketing (Chris and Brand Loyalty)
    4. Don't cheat (Parappa contest)
    5. Plant a tree (Chris doesn't take good care of his home's exterior, and rarely goes outside, to boot.)
    6. Take care of yourself (no example is required: everyone here knows that Chris doesn't do this.)
    7. Don't skip breakfast (Chris's routine rarely, if ever, involves breakfast)
    8. Take proper care of your trash (the hoard)
    9. Get enough sleep (Chris's "internal clock")
    10. Work out (Chris can't even do a single push-up or pull-up)
     
  2. Fauna Fox

    Fauna Fox Obscure n64 furry waifu

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    11. Being nice and respectful to the mentally handicapped ("windows into hell")
    12. Being safe on the streets (Chris has actually committed a car related felony on the streets in 2011)
    13. Save your money (the financhu crisis)
    14. Peer pressure (Chris doing stupid shit like posing in his mom's panties for his "sweethearts")
    15. Don't play with guns (counting this despite Chris not even owning a gun, just for that comic he made of him shooting Liquid in the knee caps)
    16. Eating healthy (McDonald's)
    17. Car safety (see number 12)
    18. Stretching before workout (again, Chris can't even do a single push-up or pull-up)
    19. Alcohol (Chris's night out)
    20. Respect you elders (Chris cared more about not being able to stuff his face with pancakes than his dead aunt)
    21. Sharing (Chris prefers to hoard his vast collection of vidya, even the ones he's never played, than actually selling them to someone that would actually use it)
     
  3. Fauna Fox

    Fauna Fox Obscure n64 furry waifu

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    22. The police (his various run-ins with law enforcement in general)
    23. Kitchen safety (Chris's lack of regards to safety is what caused the house fire to begin with)
    24. Being safe with electronics (Chris humps his PS3)
    25. Learning about computers (Chris's web designs and his interactions with trolls)
    26. Be careful with knifes (Chris has threaten trolls with a pocket knife several times)
    27. Don't steal (Chris had at one point actually stolen Borb's credit cards to buy more worthless garbage. And this without going into the plagiarism and OC thefts in his comic)
    28. Go to the library (the only literature Chris has ever willingly read are R.L. Stine books, and even then it was only during school breaks)
    29. Taking proper care of your teeth (Chris's "fangs")
    30. Vandalism (again, the Sonic Boom protests)
    31. Clean up after yourself, recycle (again, the hoard)
    32. Proper pet care (Clover and Snoopy)
    33. Use your brain (Chris being Chris)
    In short, Chris did not listen to 33 of Sonic's advice, aka roughly half of them.
     
  4. ICanFeelTheCosmos0704

    ICanFeelTheCosmos0704 ancient memes

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    Sanic's arms are not blue in the Sanic sez segments
     
  5. Minimal Effort

    Minimal Effort Bring out your dead.

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    Chris and learning, "Never the twain shall meet."
     
  6. TiggleYaPoosay

    TiggleYaPoosay I Can Roll My Tongue

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    Bahahahaha this is amazing. “You have to do wut Sanic sez at duh end of ut.” I’m pretty sure the only takeaway for fatty was you can win grand prizes with little to no effort. That is the defining moment of his life.
     
  7. Very Honest Content

    Very Honest Content Formerly a niggo (???) Staff Member

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    And this is why millennials are so fucked up now, they were taught proper behavior from cartoons and went to the refrigerator for a snack at the end of the main plots it appears at least half the time.
     
    Minimal Effort and Fauna Fox like this.
  8. Fauna Fox

    Fauna Fox Obscure n64 furry waifu

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    You also have to remember that most of these aren't even applicable to Chris, due to him being a caveman that only went outside to buy vidya and solicit sex.
     
  9. ICanFeelTheCosmos0704

    ICanFeelTheCosmos0704 ancient memes

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    and buy McD's

    We knew Chris had the mind of a child, but even PSAs targeted at actual kids are too sophisticated for him
    TBF, lots of adults don't eat healthy or exercise, so some of them apply to adults as well
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2019
  10. Feldmann_Cee

    Feldmann_Cee I’m the Lord of the Harvest here as well!!

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    Literally all the Sonic Sez segments is out the one ear with Chris, OP.
     
  11. ICanFeelTheCosmos0704

    ICanFeelTheCosmos0704 ancient memes

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    TBH Chris is a very selective listener - he only hears what he wants to hear
     
  12. Fauna Fox

    Fauna Fox Obscure n64 furry waifu

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    By the way, while digging for the videos, YouTube showed a (pay for) episode listing of "The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog". I only bring this up for one reason
    Screenshot_2019-12-06-22-21-30-1.png
     
  13. Minimal Effort

    Minimal Effort Bring out your dead.

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    When you see it, you will shit autisum.