Seagal Thread

Holy fuck that facial afro.

http://www.agonybooth.com/steven-seagal-s-lightning-bolt-part-1-3449

My friend acted in something with Seagal. I'll try and get him to repeat his story for me, but I remember it being not the most flattering encounter with his Lama-ness

 

He was also given russian citizenship for some reason by Putin

 

Can't blame Putin for being a fan

 

I hope this is real.

If it's not ... we need to start making up SteveFacts (TM).

 

Regarding whether or not Seagal shitting himself is real:
http://www.mixedmartialarts.com/news/Gene-LeBell-talks-Steven-Seagal-s----ing-himself

 

Okay, only took 3 months but I got it. My friend used many negative words to describe Seagal. Lazy, sociopath, misogynistic, idiotic, pathetic and about a dozen other I can't remember, but you get the idea. He said that he basically only acts in the scenes that are his close ups. Everything else, the master shot, coverage on other actors, etc. is done with Seagal's body double (which, BTW, how sad must the life of the man that is Seagal's body double be?).

When Seagal comes onto set, they light a special incense that makes everyone else gag and everyone has to stop what they're doing and look at him. He has a fucking entourage that my friend described as looking like the presidential motorcade. The distance between Seagal's trailer and set was like 100 feet, but do you think he walked to set like everyone else? No. Him and his entourage took three cars to get to set, but because three cars in a line physically can't fucking drive such a short distance, they did some kind of fucking banana shaped u-turn so everyone would notice when his Holiness arrived.

Stuntmen will not work with Seagal, which is something I've heard elsewhere. My friend had a fight scene with Seagal that they (by which I mean everyone except The Master) rehearsed and planned out. Seagal came to set and completely changed it all. During a rehearsal, he threw my friend through a wall. THROUGH A FUCKING WALL. There's a part in the fight scene where my friend draws a gun on Seagal's character, he grabs his hand, and they do some kind of flip thing. My friend said to the director "The second he touches my hand you yell cut." Seagal got indignant and asked why. My friend said "BECAUSE YOU JUST THREW ME THROUGH A FUCKING WALL."

The director asked my friend to make sure Seagal doesn't stray off script. Seagal will not learn his lines at all apparently and instead has them on cue cards which are always held up by a young, attractive woman in a halter top. This is why Seagal is always looking off camera in his films. He fired one girl for not...I don't know, flipping the cards fast enough or something. My friend, having had enough of his shit, waited until Seagal went off script, then went off script too and ad-libbed something really generic like "What are you going to do?" and it completely threw Seagal off.

The costume designer on whatever the fuck it was they both worked on went to do a fitting with him and he made her wait in the hotel lobby an hour and a half at the end of what was a long work day for her while he meditated and burned incense. Then he went through the clothes and threw out things he didn't like and said he wanted to wear stuff he did like without trying anything on.

On day 5 of shooting, my friend and his Llama-ness had a scene at a racetrack. They already had shot everything they could with his body double. Seagal sat down and my friend said good morning to him. Seagal didn't react so my friend said "By the way, my name's ****. We've only been working together for five days".

 

One of my friends had a story about how like their parents ran a shop in Chinatown they were using as a location in one of Segal's buddy cop movies, I forget which one, and they decided to use them as extras. For some reason Segal decided that he knew Chinese and kept trying to speak to them in garbled Mandarin then started getting upset when they couldn't figure out what he was saying. They spoke Cantonese.

 

Ever notice that Seagal looks like a slightly thinner, glasses-free Kengle?

 

Aw, I thought this was going to be a thread about seagulls.

 

That reminds me, did Animaniacs or some such similar show ever make this joke? I swear I've seen it somewhere and it's such an easy joke to make that it must exist.

 

I have some shit to add to the Seagal story from earlier. The sound guy/boom operator on the film I'm currently working on right now and I are pretty tight and he mentioned that his sound mixer worked on the same thing my friend worked on and had secretly recorded audio of Seagal swearing at the lighting guys (when the microphones are on the actors and they're turned on LITERALLY EVERYTHING THEY SAY IS RECORDED WHETHER THEY ARE FILMING OR NOT). It's only a six second clip, but the guy was so happy to share it and had the clip instantly ready. Apparently the sound crew was fairly green and not moving fast enough for Seagal so he said "Okay, let's hurry this up. You don't need to do this much fucking work on lighting. This isn't how you make a fucking movie".