No Such Luck Aftermath / A Disgraced Athlete

You know the Jamesdean guy? The author of the longest piece of English Literature that happens to be a Loud House fanfic? Well, he made an one-shot fic based on that "No Such Luck" episode he stated time after time again that he holds a grudge against.

Oh I'm sorry, did I say an one-shot fic? I meant two: No Such Luck Aftermath - Moving Out, & A Disgraced Athlete.

Initially, I had doubts it was the same dude - given the only copies of the fics were posted by another dude on the Loud House fanon Wiki who claimed it was written by James - until I stumbled across a chapter of LHR that basically confirmed he wrote said fanfics. Honestly, that fact only makes them more jarring to read due to how he views Lincoln as well as the sisters.

Without further to do, let's begin.

No Such Luck Aftermath - Moving Out

It starts with Lincoln roaming the streets and his girlfriend spotting him. He tells her he pretended he was bad luck to his family so they tossed him out. Then a few of the sister teleport out of nowhere as they hear that it was just a prank. So they go and attempt to apologize, but Lincoln becomes so angry at the five that he ends up having a stroke.

Leni and... who? WHO, LINCOLN, WHO?!

Also, he misspelled involved, not to mention there's a comma missing that should be between Laney and I.

Back to the story, the sisters claim they were on to the prank because... they wanted to protect Lincoln, somehow?

She... threatened you... to join your side? Fucking what?

Oh yea, and here's one of the reasons I wanted to talk about this fic:

Bruh, what the actual fuck, man... Not only did J.D. crowbar in this weird form of relatonship between Lincoln and his four sisters, but he actually used ur in place of you're. May I remind you that this was written by a 32 year old man? Back in 2020?

Anyway, Lynn spots the seven deadly sins, storms up to them which prompts Lincoln to beat the absolute shit out of her, and I absolutely mean it when I say it.

Spoiler: Too much text so I screencapped

Ah yes, because the family would absolutely welcome you back when they find out you crippled one of your sisters and beat the shit out of her, regardless of the 1-dimensional sisters' reactions. Also, STOP IT WITH THE WEIRD MOMMY/SISTER RELATIONSHIP, IT'S MAKING ME DEEPLY UNCOMFORTABLE.

So the group minus Lynn return to the house and Luna threatens to beat one of the 4 year olds up if she keeps believing in the bad luck thing. I repeat, a 15 year old threatens violence on a preschooler. What a lovely family we got here. Oh wait, no, because Ronnie tells the rest of the Louds she and her boyfriend are moving out plus the five sisters with a mommy fetish. Oh yea, and Lincoln decides to take Lilly with them... WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?!

So the group are ready to leave and make their way to the door right before the remaining sisters step in to apologize. Unfortunately, Lincoln tells them to eat shit because I guess we really need to force in this weird mommy/sister dynamic with Leni, Luna, & Lori, rather than, gee I don't know, let Lincoln forgive the whole family, Lynn included?

But nah, the six Louds skiddle daddle out and move into Ronnie's place and....

Spoiler

Okay, first off (and secondly)...

Where were the parents throughout this? And more importantly, why wasn't Lincoln arrested when he broke Lynn's legs and tore off some of her hair?

Third..

Were the remaining siblings taken away? Or were they left at the house without anyone watching them while the parents were gone?

Fourth...

Does anyone else find it weird that a 32 year old decided to write two 11 year olds kissing each other on the lips while a 17 year old takes a picture of them doing so? Just a little bit?

Fifth...

There's no fifth, that's the end of the story. I'll cover "A Disgraced Athlete" tomorrow.

 

I am surprised despite how... prolific he is that he could keep it to a two-shot

 

Oops, my bad, been busy with other shit.

A Disgraced Athlete

It starts with Lincoln running away from home and, I shit you not, joining the cult from Far Cry.

Because even in his oneshot pieces, James has to have a crossover with something.

So the family attempts to convince Isaac to come back which he responds by shooting Lynn Jr. They leave and quickly take Lynn to the hospital where they find out she's crippled at the waist down.

Bitch, when the nurse says you're permanently disabled, it means you're PERMANENTLY DISABLED. Then the sisters proceed to blame Lynn for their brother abandoning them, which leads to Lynn cursing at the whole family, and resulting in Rita punishing her by pulling her out of her sports teams... which I don't understand how that's really a massive punishment since, you know, Lynn's crippled, so either way, she's gonna be dropped out of her teams. But since Lynn is depicted as an one-dimensional antagonist here, she gets super pissed and threatens to murder the whole family. Wait, did I say "super pissed"? I meant "jiggling furiously angry".

So the rest of the sisters proceed to throw Lynn into her room before... locking her in... in her room... How the hell does that work? Is there a lock at the outside of her door? Or did they use the penny lock trick? Whatever. After that's done, Lisa suggest going back to the day the episode happened, and then they go on a rant of how awful Lynn is and how she caused all of this because of her "delusions" and shit.

Uhhh.... What about the parents? Because I'm certain that since Lynn and/or Lincoln presumably convinced their mom and dad about the whole bad luck thing, they were a part of this, and given they are the ones in charge (Since, again, they are the parents), they should be the ones held most responsible in this situation. But nope, it's all Lynn's fault.

So they do the time warp and bump into the past versions of themselves. Also, Lori capitalizes every word she speaks.

They warn them that Lynn is gonna accuse Lincoln of bad luck before getting the idea of convincing the rest of the family of the same thing... even though the last story claimed Lincoln pretended he was bad luck...

Don't think, just turn your brain off.

Not me though, I gotta do what I promised I'd do.

So the future versions continue to explain what'll happen if the past versions don't change, in which they proceed to shit talk Lynn again.

RITA. YOU. ARE. THE. MOTHER. YOU. CHOSE. TO. LISTEN. TO. YOUR. DAUGHTER.
STOPBLAMINGYOUROWNCHILDANDSHIFTTHEPOINTEDFINGERTOYOURSELF.

Jesus, this whole fic is just the author describing his hate boner for a character because of an episode they played a role in. Where was I again? Oh yea, so the past counterparts promise to tell Lynn to eat shit which results in the future Louds disappearing.

With Lynn and Lincoln, they get in an argument, Lincoln storms off and the rest of the sisters come and calm him down. They drive back home, Lincoln spends the rest of the day enjoying himself at home while the rest of the family go out. Also, when Lynn warns Leni about how Lincoln will ruin her fashion show or something, this happens:

In the updated version at least, in the original version, Laney simply says "Shut up, Lynn!".

So the family comes back home for a bit before getting ready to, and I'm not fucking with you, go see the Joker film...



Lincoln asks if he can go which the family happily obliges, except for Lynn Jr. who tries to tell him to eat shit, but the sisters just toss her out and they go without her.

Also, the grammar here is beyond awful.

Friendly reminder that the author was 32 when he wrote this, and yet not only did he seemingly not know you're not allowed to swap tenses in a paragraph - let alone a bloody sentence - but he also didn't know the differences between YOUR AND YOU'RE.

Oh, just in case you thought I was just actually joking about the Joker:

<Insert something about living in a society here>

They then enter the house and let Lynn out of the room, who's visibly deranged.

Mf writes his fics the same way comic/manga writers write, and that's not a compliment, the style this dude writes in I mean.

So they question Lynn about her behavior with Lincoln and it reads like a goddamn Ace Attorney trial.

Spoiler

Jesus, the grammar is fucking killing me.

Lynn keeps insisting that Lincoln is bad luck, and Rita decides to pull her out of her sports teams... all because she believes in bad luck... Fucking brilliant parenting right there. Also, this:

Holy shit, the absolute double standards here is baffling. Because, keep in mind, when Lincoln was the one being shat on in NSL, James despised it. Hell, J.D. stated how he hated how Family Guy treated Meg as the punching bag of the show, and made a whole LHR chapter about his self-insert curbstomping Peter and Lois for abusing her. Yet, when Lynn is unfairly punished, and even punched in the face so hard that she's left with a broken nose, Lincoln is treated like a saint. He doesn't get even slightest punishment for it, nor is Lynn taken to the hospital for her nose, they just make plans of going to the beach without Lynn before going to bed.

Rules for thee but not for me, I suppose.

The worst part? This is treated like the good future, rather than having said future be Lincoln and Lynn tossing the former's "bad luck" out the window and being on good terms again. This whole fanfic can essentially be boiled down to "Lincoln good, Lynn bad".

So they proceed to head to bed and Lincoln invites Lucy and Laney to sleep with him... for some reason... Also, the family just leaves Lynn on the floor. Lynn doesn't even get back at Lincoln, she just heads to bed like the rest.

 

Next morning, the Louds are having breakfast, Lynn takes Lincoln's plate and...

Damn, I think I just cut my finger from the edge.

Leni gives Lincoln the plate back, they have breakfast before sending Lynn to Aunt Ruth and then heading over to the beach. They have fun until Rita gets a call from Ruth.

Again, may I remind you that this is supposed to be the good ending. Though, I must admit, I got a slight chuckle from "I've fallen and I can't get up". Also, "Lincoln Loud is a motherfucking bitch", like, seriously.

Luan may legitimately be the worst written character here and that's honestly saying alot. Also...

Because the author apparently never heard about the term "stabbing someone to death". No, I don't care that the character's 11, he should at least know the word "stabbing" and what it means by then.

Christ, I gotta calm down.


Alright, so Rita calls the cops and tells them to come to their house because I guess Lynn is too dumb to know where the beach is so she's just waiting inside the house. Meanwhile, Lincoln decides to do the "One Bite challenge" with Lana and Luan laughs as if Lincoln just told a joke?

For some reason, there's no indication of time passing, nor did the author write the challenge that supposedly happened.

They then proceed to head back home and tell Lincoln to stay in the van until the police arrive.

I'm no writer, but I believe the whole family should stay in the van, and that they should be Lynn's targets as well since, you know, they were the ones that made Lynn's life miserable? Now that I've mentioned it, this shit's basically transformed into an edgy lost episode CreepyPasta with animal abuse, attempts to murder someone, unnecessary swearing, etc..

So they arrive home just when the police come. One of the officers goes to ask Lincoln for Lynn's reason to kill, which prompts Lincoln to summarize the entire story minus the bits with the future Louds, oh, neither did he mention assaulting Lynn, but again, that's probably a good thing considering he's talking to a police officer. Then the cops head into the house before coming back out with Lynn who gets shit on by the entire family, who - may I remind you - MADE HER LIFE HELL OVER BLATANT FAVORITISM.

Also, fourth wall break.

Mate, I don't think she's gonna apologize to you when YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ASSAULTED HER AND MADE HER MISERABLE, AND I DON'T CARE THAT SHE THREATENED YOU WITH A BAT.

At last, the end of the story, Lynn Jr. is found guilty, the family is filled with shame - not because they pulled her out of her hobby and planned to burn her trophies - because they constantly praised and spoiled her, and the athlete is sentenced to 65 years in prison (So much for hoping she'll pull together and coming back to apologize).

The story then concludes with Lynn in prison, blaming and plotting to get revenge on Lincoln rather than the family; though again, could be due to Lincoln being the Louds' favorite... well, that, and J.D.'s weird boner for him.

The end.

Christ, this took a long time to write out.

Oh yea, author's note...

Mate, they're not gonna ban an episode just because you didn't like it.

Oh my god, the irony.