FB 9/07/17 Chris doesn't have a girlfriend. Update 9/08/17: Chris does have a girlfriend

Potato, tomato.

 

"Complicated" relationship with JQ?

[ insert "My love quest is finally over!!!!" image ]

But in all honesty this reeks of fishy business.

 

Anything related to Chris has to reek fishy.

 

It's too early to tell where this is going to go.

But if he has a fish, you can make a wish!

 

Three! Fresh! FIIIIIIIIIIISH!

You got yourself a fish? Now order yourself a side dish! Make a wish!

 

Quinn stated they are "testing the waters"... how long before someone throws a dose of chlorine in the gene pool?

 

Testing the waters eh?

Welp, by the laws of Chris, this'll end one of two ways:

JQ is a troll: In which case, she'll most likely go the ween route and ask Chris to either make an embarrassing video or share embarrassing details about himself, he'll send it to her "for her eyes only", and she'll leak it to other trolls/weens for "teh lulz!"

JQ is genuine: Chris will find some way to fuck things up and move waaaaaaay to quickly, and it'll freak JQ out and she'll want to "just be friends" or will block him.

 

They tend not to be as wasted as TV and movies would have you believe. And even still, if Chris went to a bar then somebody who isn't wearing Sonic and MLP shit (because you know Chris would think it would be a good idea to wear that shit to a dive) will walk up, punk him out, and end up with the girl he was talking to.

And those women are awesome. There's nothing like a woman giving you the love her dad never gave her.

That's a possibility, but it's a little risky using your personal FaceBook account to do it. Her FB account seems legit, and this would be a pretty long burn to get to this point. However, I rule nothing out with Chris.

And the video might not even have to be leaked. Chris might put the shit on his YouTube account and simply put in the title that it's for "Jessica's eyes only" and assume nobody else will watch it because of that.

I'm leaning more towards this happening. Do you think it will be an inappropriate time to kiss her or an inappropriate time to go for her tits? And after he does one of these, how many more times will he try it again on the first date even after she tells him not to?

 

Well, that's if they even *live* near each other, now that I think about it...

 

She apparently lives about 30 minutes away. My inner ween came out and I actually Mapquested Orange, VA to Ruckersville, VA. That kind of distance may be a little bit of a pain, but they could easily see each other regularly.

 

I guess it all depends on JQ's definition of "Testing the waters"

Like, is this one of those things where she's going "Sigh, ok Chris, we can "Date", but *I* call the shots here...."

 

Then this will be a match made in Heaven, since Chris is essentially looking for a surrogate mother figure in the form of a girlfriend.

 

Well, thinking about it, let's just assume that Chris is looking to right away jump to some kissing and "Sexy times". It wouldn't be shocking if JQ pretty much hit Chris with a "Yeah, I mean, we can "Date", but no kissing and no sexy time until *I* say so...." (if ever)

 

Don't forget that he feels the need to tell his heartsweet about the time he spent with Mia Hamm.

 

Remember, Chris has this thing where he has to tell people EVERYTHING about him, as, by his logic "If I tell the truth, there's no secrets, which makes me a good person!"

 

[cue X-Files theme]

 

Ok now they're gonna break up on the 15th because you said THAT.

 

And yet he's also a pathological liar that retcons his own life regularly. It's shit like this that makes him so intriguing.

 

I remember when Chris said "I do not lie all the time; I lie some of the time" to excuse himself to Kacey.

 

I guess there's a valuable lesson in all this. If you want a boy/girl/thonfriend, just change your identity to the point where you appeal to people with the lowest standards imaginable.

Oh, and of fucking course he likes Life is Strange.