Legal Jail of Fail

I’m no lawyer in Virginia, or anywhere else, but Chris is currently charged with misdemeanor incest, basically meaning that the incest was between consenting adults (Fun fact: In Rhode Island, incest between consenting adults is not a crime at all.) Since consenting adults know incest is wrong, they don’t run their mouths about it so it’s not as common as felony incest, which would get charged alongside rape or child molestation, where one of the parties was not consenting.

 

Incest is a misdemeanor in Virginia except according to subsection B which states:

Which, if convicted, Chris will we subject to; that is also before we conciser the state may add initial sentences depending on what the investigation has found.

 

No matter what happens, chris has already been convicted in the court of public opinion.

 

I wouldn't be surprised to find out there are people who still think he's the pudgy guy in the polo shirt with the clay medallion.

 

"Chris Chan" originally being a nickname meant to be like "Jackie Chan" is likely lost to "Christory".

 

He wouldn't be the first domestic abuser named Chris to do so.

 

yeah, Chris said he started to use the nickname Chris Chan because it reminded him of Jackie Chan
I'm not going to search for it on the CWCki right now, but I remember seeing it

I thought Chan was a short form of Chandler
you can shorten Christopher or Christian to Chris, so maybe he thought you could change Chandler to Chan
he was obsessed with his initials of CWC too when he was younger

 

Chris probably means the "Chan" to be the cutesy Japanese honorific now, which sounds sickening when associated with CWC.

I remember when Chris said "Chris" is "a good name" because of course he would.

To me the name sounds "greasy", like Crisco. At least when associated with CWC.

 

Gotta make those views somehow. Even then, any padding they throw in doesn't make this any better.

Considering that and the ego of Chris, Chris is likely boned unless insanity manages to save the true and honest lolcow.

 

I imagine "Classic Chris" thought "Christian Weston Chandler" was this grandiose royal name that should be engraved in marble in Roman font on a neoclassical parthenon.

To me, "Christian Weston Chandler" sounds like a "hillbilly" or "redneck" name.

 

The difference is the plea bargain. I know I keep powerleveling, but as someone who has had gone through the atrocity known as the American legal system, I can tell you firsthand: our legal system is based on the plea bargain.

Trials cost money. If the state has to spend more money to bring you to trial than you would provide in a for-profit prison, then it's not worth it to go to trial. Max sentences are usually carried out if:

1) The public outcry from a lesser sentence will ensure that the judge who gave the sentence won't get re-elected.

2) The circumstances of the crime were more heinous than other instances.

3) The jury is loaded with suburban, white people who will probably quickly declare you as guilty, and the judge knows he can get a lot of free labor out of you for a long time (as sad of a fact as this is, this would almost be guaranteed if his name was Cri'Darian Weshanti Chandler instead).

There is a reason why I placed them in that order. You get scared by the though of the maximum penalty, plea bargain down, the legal system saves money in court costs, and you pay a shit ton of money once you go on probation/parole.

@Pibot brought up a point that stands solid: is CHRIS smart enough to know that's how this works? We may see the first instance in Greene County history where the defense requests a gag order on their own client.

 

I've brought up Chris's amazing ability to squander any positive oppourtunities he's had handed to him, but if Chris demands a trial and gets the book thrown at him when all he needed to do to be free is just wait, that would be some next level shit. It would be a fitting climax to Chris's ineptitude to fuck up one last time and guarantee that he will have no chance to salvage anything in his life forevermore. As people mentioned before, there's a chance that everyone forgets and moves on if he gets out after a year, but if he goes to prison, he's fucked.

 

Chris ruined any chance he had of not being locked up in the Jail of Fail for almost a year by the way he acted in the first hearing.

 

Chris is an AI engineered by the brightest minds of our generation working hundreds of hours, round the clock, 24/7 for the express purpose of calculating and subsequently choosing, with mathematical precision, the worst fucking choice possible in any situation.

 

If we were to uploaded Chris's consciousness into a super computer and feed it scenarios like threats of nuclear war or tense diplomatic situations and then do the opposite of the simulations we'd be unstoppable as a nation.

 

This reminds me of the what if thread if CWC was president
I forgot what the consensus was but blundering to good decisions was one of the scenarios