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Loud House Revamped, the Longest Fanfiction Ever Made

Discussion in 'Internet Fiction/Fanfiction' started by Galhox Ladyankles, Aug 16, 2022.

?

Was this a bad idea?

  1. Yes

    3 vote(s)
    27.3%
  2. Please tell me I'm funny

    2 vote(s)
    18.2%
  3. YOU DONE FUCKED UP

    6 vote(s)
    54.5%
  1. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    Loses motivation somehow, parents go "Internet Lumberjack", gets distracted by something else, etc.
     
    Last edited: Aug 19, 2022
  2. ICanFeelTheCosmos0704

    ICanFeelTheCosmos0704 friend of little cat

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    he's been doing this for five years
    he's been writing this watfic for half a decade :confused:

    LOL, I nearly posted fatman instead of confused
    I've augh yeah'd so much it's automatic :fatman:
     
  3. Galhox Ladyankles

    Galhox Ladyankles Lady of the Library

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    I can't say I'm mad at the guy for doing something. It's certainly an effort. Plus it gives me something to pick apart and try to improve in the field of sporking.
     
  4. ICanFeelTheCosmos0704

    ICanFeelTheCosmos0704 friend of little cat

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    does his writing at least improve with years of writing regularly
     
  5. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    Or does it stay the same - or even decline in quality like a certain comic by a certain lolcow?
     
  6. Ms. Mowz

    Ms. Mowz My likes mean absolutely nothing!

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    How about shit?
     
  7. Fialovy

    Fialovy Skeleman Warrior

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    Usually writing improved if you listen to criticism which this guy obviously doesn't
     
  8. Galhox Ladyankles

    Galhox Ladyankles Lady of the Library

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    Short answer: NO.

    As far as I can tell the story has maintained the same quality since the beginning. It's redundant at many points, sets up things with no payoff, events without setup happen frequently, and the cast is way too big to reasonably remember everyone if you don't already know who they are. And I'm sixty-five chapters into this.
     
  9. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    If this fanfic were stored on floppy disks (1.44 MB each), how many disks would it use?
     
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  10. Galhox Ladyankles

    Galhox Ladyankles Lady of the Library

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    I have to keep going. It's not over, but the simulator arc is after this.

    So Lucy goes into the simulator. Goth girl with vampire dark powers goes in and it's the fucking movie "Poltergeist III." Not the series, just the sequel. I don't know this series so this will be quick. In fact I'm going to gloss over a bunch of shit because the next couple of chapters are wholly uninteresting. I did laugh when I saw her say "THAT'S CAROL ANN FREELING!"
    As if I should know who the fuck that is.

    But Lucy is also revealed to have SCARY RED EYES under her bangs. Which is why she wears her hair over them.

    And then she kills Kane. Who's a ghost.

    Ghaustboosted.

    And thus ends the simulator arc. But I wanted to get to chapter 60. So I continued ahead wanting to seek punishment for my terrible decisions.

    The two chapters that followed were dull and boring. They were literally the same episodes from the show ripped wholesale with JD showing up occasionally to interrupt stuff. It's once again really fucking boring.

    But we get back to another return to Narutoland. And it was worth going through this fucking mess. I bring you: Louds vs. Ninjas. (An excellent title, by the way).

    It literally starts with

    J.D. teaching Naruto how to be a ninja.
    Wasn't this weirdo a grey Jedi? How does he know ninja shit too?

    In it we see EVIL SASUKE OH NOOOOOO SPOOOKY

    Oh and now there's some family shit going on with J.D. and Naruto.
    Here's some redundant dialogue.


    After all the boring shit I read, this was so much funnier.

    Also a kamehemeha happens. Turns out the author wanted to "borrow" from DBZ when it came to the fight scenes.


    I mean what am I supposed to comment? This is brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. It's so ridiculously stupid I'm laughing. Just the fact that this dude isn't even part of the original universe is using a fucking KAMEHAMEHA and then lists off Loud House characters within that mix of people who know how to do specific moves- it's just so ungodly silly I feel like I'm living in a fever dream. And let's add a little Yu Yu Hakusho in as well, because why the fuck not.


    Evil Sasuke is beaten, of course, after some plot to frame Naruto in the original series. This just gets worse and worse and worse.
     
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  11. Galhox Ladyankles

    Galhox Ladyankles Lady of the Library

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    And the next chapter gets even better.


    These intros go on the entire third of the chapter. This one just made me laugh, though. We're just doing intros now.


    DUCKLICKER. YES. DUCKLICKER. That's fucking INCREDIBLE.

    And another thing. This is a first-person narrative. How the fuck does J.D. know what the fuck Kakashi is thinking?

    Moving on. I question any more of this and I'll probably end up not having a brain because it left my skull and decided the Big MT was a better place to stay.

    SO, after all the training bullshit we get J.D. to convince Kakashi to train everyone.

    And J.D. steals Kakashi's Makeout Paradise book, somehow. From his pocket. And has fire powers. So he threatens to burn it. So Kakashi gives in.

    J.D. only gave him half of it and burned the other. Kakashi is upset by this.

    J.D. is a little bit of an untrustworthy shite who manipulates people I'm noticing. Makes him a little unlikable. Damn.

    So then they train.

    And everyone's like "GOSH J.D., YOU'RE SO POWERFUL!"

    And so J.D. explains why. I'm not shitting you. This is his real origin story.


    Guess I fucking answered my own question!


    Even Kakashi doesn't care. I think he just became my favorite character in this whole thing.

    The next chapter after is an episode lifted from another show I haven't seen, called Uncle Grandpa. It's entire episode is just dealing with internet trolls. Titled The Problem with Trolls.

    The comparison to CWC is pretty noticeable. Those dang dirty trolls.

    So Lori is needing help with a video. And she asks Naruto to help her with it because he can help her fly. The video is a proposal to her boyfriend Bobby.

    This all sounds fucking crazy because it is.

    Just the idea of Naruto sitting in someone's living room helping edit videos is a bizarre image in my head, but then it's also "WILL YOU MARRY ME"

    J.D. typed out "CONGRATS" and tells us his username is FlyingCosmos3001. A pertinent and necessary detail.

    But this one was going to ruin everything.


    What the fuck is going on?

    Right. Internet trolls.

    So the user that posted the comment was named "PizzaPocket666."
    J.D. is a super hacker, by the way.
    Me: He has the Armageddon Number in it. Fitting. Let me see if I can trace him.

    They come to find it's Carol, Lori's archnemesis.

    "WASN'T SHE BANNED FROM SOCIAL MEDIA?"

    Yeah because alts aren't a thing. lol.

    So Uncle Grandpa shows up. And they all go after Carol.

    Carol's parents are like "yeah she's in her room, you can talk with her."

    Everyone confronts Carol and this exchange is just... Well...

    [​IMG]
    WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
    WHY DOES UNCLE GRANDPA HAVE SWORDS
    WHO THE FUCK IS PIZZA STEVE
    WHO CARES ABOUT LORI'S FEELINGS
    And fuck, the part about "INTERNET TROLLS SHOULDN'T USE THE INTERNET."

    I guess we just have to shut down the site.


    Ohhh, I'm real scared. OoOoOooOh- OH FUCK, MARIO JUST LOGGED IN. HELP.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

    Though it ends with the best line from Naruto.

    THE END.


    HE DID IT. HE SAID THE LINE. HE'S IN BOYS. HE'S IN.

    And then we go back to another Naruto episode. Not nearly as interesting, except it has EVIL KAKASHI. OH BOY.

    Naruto meets his parents. It's a really short chapter.

    And after that, well, we get into Digimon. After the fucking nightmare I just endured I'm kinda glad it stopped being so long and just kinda happens. I needed a cooldown.

    Holy fuck this was long. We're on chapter 61 now. Marching ever forward into hell.
     
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  12. Galhox Ladyankles

    Galhox Ladyankles Lady of the Library

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    Oh. Oh no. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I still doing this? Did I make a promise to a cute girl that if I survived this we'd get pizza together? That would be nice.

    Pizza is nice.

    But what isn't nice is that I'm still reading this fanfic, and I'm up to chapter 70 now. If I wanted to give up, I guess I could have just never started. But that's not making for good entertainment.

    What does make for good television is this time we've been met with DISNEY SHIT again.

    But before that, let's go into Digimon, because I didn't even process this shit, and I should just go through it real quick because it did in fact happen, and was not a result of a fever dream induced by my conscious that is slowly fading from reading this.

    So Varie goes into the simulator. You all remember Varie, right? You know, she's J.D.'s fiance! They only mention that EVERY FUCKING TIME SHE SHOWS UP! But she goes in, alone, into Digimon. Where Shinjuku is engulfed in red fog and the D-Reaper has wiped out fucking everything.

    I swear the dialogue reads like a Metal Gear Solid Fanfiction. Watch.

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]

    Holy shit, just run some stock footage from like the 60's and you've got a perfect scene setup.

    This goes on and Varie runs into an agent of the D-Reaper.

    The agent addresses her as "Varie Knudson," which just feels strange considering the couple aren't actually legally married.

    Varie becomes a SUPER ANGEL.

    ADR 001: Yes. Human beings do not deserve to exist. Humans are worthless creatures that only cause destruction. They created Digimon to fight battles and load data so that they'll get stronger in strength in ability. Humans and Digimon must be deleted immediately.

    Varie: Shut up! You have no right to decide that! We have a right to live and to protect the people we care about! That's something a warped freak like you can never understand!

    ADR 001: Human beings wage war, destroy other human beings and therefore their existence is pointless.

    Varie: SHUT UP!

    The Agent continued to talk its head off and Varie got angrier and her hair flashed Aqua Blue and back to Aqua Green. Her eyes were flashing to purple and back to blue. The ground started shaking violently and lightning was striking the ground around her.

    She then unleashed a new transformation in a massive explosion of Aqua Blue light and Varie became a Super Angel. She had Aqua Blue Hair, Purple Eyes and an Aqua Blue Aura that was emitting extreme power and her energy levels had skyrocketed dramatically and her Wings were spread.


    YOU MAY CALL ME A SUPER ANGEL

    YOU MAY ALSO CALL ME THE HOMELESS HEROINE ADDICT. I HAVE TO GO NOW BYE!

    Beelzemon and Calumon show up.

    Varie: Beelzemon and Calumon? What are you doing here?


    Who? YOU DIDN'T SET ANYTHING UP. I DON'T KNOW ANY OF YOU.

    So Beelzebubmon and Calumarimon fuck shit up. Varie goes full Super Angel and fights.

    And a good third of the chapter is just spent introducing Digimon.

    Mother D-Reaper: **YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO EXIST!**


    Shit, maybe the D-Reaper is on to something.

    It ends. And some girl named Jeri joins up into the Loud House.

    Again. This is Loud House fanfic. My brain hurts.
    The Ed's are relaxing in the Loud-Knudson house.
    Did I mention that? The two houses have connected estates. Somehow.
    And did you also know Royal Woods is in Detroit? So I guess J.D. is doing something for publicity. He is a national hero, after all. And if you're wondering if I skipped that, no. We'll get to it.

    But the Ed's are back, and then the news comes on.

    [​IMG]

    J.D. tells everyone to arm up.

    Instead of telling J.D. to eat shit, they all think "yes good idea, we shall do this."

    Everyone moves out and meets up as the fucking military is waiting for the Kankers.
    And J.D. gives orders to the General that's there. And instead of the General telling J.D. to eat shit, he just listens to him.

    The Kankers come driving in, and no drama happens. Bullets fly and the Kankers are arrested and sent off to a prison in Antarctica.

    Intermission, but here's a sentence I missed on a chapter.


    Back on it.

    Oh, so apparently John K. made a cartoon about farting. I went through this. It was pain. Flatulence is funny in small doses when I hear reverb fart inserted into funny pasta man streams, but this was painful. The only joke I can make about this is that calling your chapter Ripping Time sounds like a gay porno.

    Skylanders? Lmao, how about literally the entire chapter is just introducing the author's Skylanders figures.

    I can't post all of it in text. It'll eat my space limitations and this is getting big as is.

    [​IMG]

    Take this and just scroll.

    It ends. That's it.
     
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  13. Fialovy

    Fialovy Skeleman Warrior

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    Oh Skylanders, my local game store won't take them because they are worthless. All of those action figure video games are except for Amiibos
     
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  14. Galhox Ladyankles

    Galhox Ladyankles Lady of the Library

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    The MGS-tier dialogue was probably my favorite part. If this ends up becoming a project down the line I'll probably hit up David Hayter and Christopher Randolph on Cameo just to make this funny joke.
     
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  15. Ms. Mowz

    Ms. Mowz My likes mean absolutely nothing!

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    Because the only thing I know about Digimon is that it spawn Renamon (infamous furry bait almost on the same level as Krystal), I actually thought this chapter of shite was just going to be the schizo author's self insert fucking Renamon.
     
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  16. Galhox Ladyankles

    Galhox Ladyankles Lady of the Library

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    No sex, surprisingly. That's the one positive I can gleam from all of this.
     
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  17. Galhox Ladyankles

    Galhox Ladyankles Lady of the Library

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    How about Moana?

    Because Moana joins the Loud House.

    It's literally just a scene in the movie where she goes up against a God and it's the low point of the movie. I only have one gif to detail this chapter.
    [​IMG]
    Inside Out?

    Yeah, Inside Out. More PIxar shite. Riley runs away from home into Minnesota and shit goes wrong. The Louds and J.D. find her.

    And then J.D. calls up Riley's father.

    "HEY BRO IT'S ME J.D., WE FOUND YOUR DAUGHTER."

    "oh that's a relief"

    "Yeah but she doesn't wanna go back."

    And Riley's dad just decides "WELL WE'LL MOVE TO MICHIGAN."

    And then they do. J.D. even has a guest house for them.

    How fucking big is this place? How big is this cast?

    Oh, and J.D.'s dad shows up for once. Bet you anything his dad is probably thinking to himself, "if I keep off this shit he won't hurt me."

    Because considering J.D.'s abilities I'm reminded of the Twilight Zone.

    But moving on. We've got a bit left to cover.

    Like when J.D. and the Louds get burgers for... A contest? Do you really need to win a contest to meet a NASCAR driver when you're just big name superheroes at this point?

    But they go for it.

    Lana wants to meet some NASCAR driver. I'll call her Bobby Ricky because it's funnier in my head that way.

    The contest is you have to find a burger wrapper with tire marks on it. And you could meet Bobby Ricky.

    Everyone rushes to eat it and a snow storm kicks off and shit hits the fan.

    I felt bad for the poor guy working at the burger joint. Too relatable dealing with fucking wackos like this.

    Oh, and before I forget, the place gives a discount to J.D. because he's a "NATIONAL LEGEND."

    I wish I was making this up.

    It was a standard ripped episode. Also a fart joke somewhere in there.

    Alright, moving on.

    Chandler Halderson comes back. I'm sorry- Henderson.
    Well, fuck it. At this point, he might as well be Chandler Halderson with how evil this guy is.

    Chandler comes back and is out to claim Laney's head. He's got plant powers, too! And it turns out he broke out of the Kalamazoo lock-up and made a deal with SATAN. And he's gained power from a MAGIC MEDALLION.

    And Chandler is like "I TOOK A BITE OUT OF MY PARENTS. I THIRST FOR FLESH, LANEY!"

    And they fight. Chandler loses his medallion and the power of Sonichu is revoked and he turns into a SPOOKY SCARY SKELETON.

    Thus ending the reign of terror from Chandler. The bully character. From Loud House.

    What a fucking road we've traveled.

    And now we go back to Naruto.

    J.D. teleports with Naruto and Sasuke and Kakashi to go take on an S-Rank mission.

    Sasuke broods and J.D. just shits on him. Sasuke is reduced to simply just being a whiny cunt. That's it. J.D. reads his thoughts, even.

    At this point, J.D. is already playing God, why not just off Sasuke and be done with it?

    Well, no matter. It's all shite.

    So they take on the mission, and something about genocide and war happens. Some ninjas show up and J.D. murders them with ease. They arrive at the Mizukage's office. J.D. sees he's being mind controlled and knocks him out. Then the Mizukage is like "I feel terrible! Here, dumbass! You're in charge! I gotta fly to the Bahamas and get away from this shit!"

    And so J.D. is given a medal for his efforts. He also seals Sasuke in a scroll after telling him to "GO KISS YOUR BROTHER, SASUKE!"

    Sasuke is tormented.

    Would it kill you to have a little tension and maybe some drama and deception?

    Look who I'm asking this to. I should quit while I'm ahead.

    But instead the fic goes into SWAT KATS. A show I know even less about than even Moana or Inside Out.

    So what do I say? Well I went through it, processed nothing, and who gives a fuck? It's not like it'll come back later with some set up.

    So instead we end on MUSCLE BEACH LOUD'S.

    In which J.D. goes to Hokage Tsunade to get her to go on vacation.

    "Just use clone jiutsu, bro."

    And she does.

    But some gag about her screaming? I don't know what the fuck happened there.

    She clones herself and gets in a swimsuit.

    Off to vacation on the beach yet again.

    And we run into what is basically Himcules from My Life As a Teenage Robot.

    Who J.D. beats in every possible way by weightlifting literal tons.

    Hunk: You think you can lift more than me!? I'm the greatest thing since Beta Caratene!

    Me: We shall see. Right ladies?

    Lady 1: Go get him J.D.!

    I wave and the competition started.

    ROUND 1: The Weight Bars

    Hunk was lifting a bar that weighed 200 pounds.

    Hunk: Beat that wimp! [Weight crashes as he drops it]

    I lifted up a heavy weight that had 6 ton anchors for weights with ease.



    HA! BETA! (Caratene!)

    It ends with him getting beaten. Shocker. J.D. wins.

    And thus. We conclude chapter 70.

    And the fanfic just updated on my phone not even two minutes ago.

    If you heard me screaming, I think that's a sign I take a break for the night. He'll be at chapter 2,000 by the time I catch up.
     
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  18. Drako1234658

    Drako1234658 Member

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    Yep, I'm helping write it.
     
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  19. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    for what purpose
     
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  20. Galhox Ladyankles

    Galhox Ladyankles Lady of the Library

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    Really? Do tell.
     
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