Faithful Hearts

Discussion in 'Internet Fiction/Fanfiction' started by Cyan, Jan 25, 2017.

  1. Descent

    Descent Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
    Good grief, it's not enough that she repeats the same story, but it's the same fucking page over and over.
    Hey, wait a minute...
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    Why hello there new reaction pic!
     
  2. Cyan

    Cyan #006666

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    MFW I take my bra off after I get home.
     
  3. Cyan

    Cyan #006666

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    Ch. 20: THE FEARSOME FIVE

    I'll admit, I don't know much about piloting, so there isn't much for me to nitpick here other than the fact that it's impossible to avoid turbulence unless you're flying in a vacuum. Flying through the air is similar to sailing on the sea; you can't avoid wind anymore than you can avoid the ship rocking with the waves.

    I... feel like we've been through this scene before. Didn't we get Marina's fan-squeeing about the plane in the last chapter?

    You guys are all totally banned from wishing characters would talk to eachother about things other than Marina and Silver. This is fucking boring. And I'm totally not going to go back on this ban myself the next time we get to the Silrina shit, I proooomise.
     
  4. Cyan

    Cyan #006666

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    [​IMG]

    Heaven forbid Marina speak up before stepping on her friends, amirite?
    And it's shit like this that makes the fanfiction boring. There's just TOO MANY CHARACTERS crammed into one scene, and they aren't even playing off of eachother. They're all just taking turns reacting to shit and it's so boring!

    This is so off the mark I can't even dismiss it as a joke. Planes don't brake in the air. Ever. They can't. Anyone who has ever been in a plane knows this. If you're going to be a knock-off Batman, you have to have a working brain cell.

    You have TWO PEOPLE on in this damn scene saying "I SAW A MONSTER I SAW A MONSTER" and you're jumping to the literally IMPOSSIBLE conclusion of the pilot slamming on the brakes. I just--
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    Nothing really noteworthy going on right here, just clunky dialogue flow. Two "I told you!"s from two different characters only one line apart.

    Eeeey, look at that! Story's over!
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    [​IMG]
     
  5. Cyan

    Cyan #006666

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    Goofy, that's some pretty big talk for somebody who didn't have a way out of that instant-death shadow attack that just happened. Speaking of, why isn't anyone on high-alert right now? You all were just attacked, don't go thinking you're out of the woods yet!

    I can't. I can't take this. This dialogue adds nothing to the story and is going nowhere. I'd genuinely rather be riffing some Silrina smut, I swear to god.
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    Because heaven forbid anyone actually suffer a loss in this fanfic.

    For the sake of adding SOME form of entertainment to this story, I am mentally replacing this Negaduck guy with this guy instead.
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    IDK what it was with 90's cartoons and the heroes just having an evil twin rather than an actual villain. I never watched Darkwing Duck and I don't know who Negaduck actually is but he can't be any different from the other evil clone characters plaguing children's television at the time. At least Captain Pollution is out to destroy worlds, so he probably fits.

    The worst comic relief characters are the ones who undermine whatever the protagonist's goal is. It's like having that one character that lights taverns on fire in RPG games, it stops being funny right away. Even if you don't like Marina, you have to agree that characters that slow the plot down just for the sake of being a retard are even worse. The babby ducks are that.

    *Sigh* I don't know if I'm disappointed that it didn't go anywhere, or relieved. My time's been wasted either way so I guess I'll go for the former.
     
  6. Cyan

    Cyan #006666

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    This scene would be really dark if it wasn't for the fact that I know this character is a fucking duck.

    He said it, not me! It's Darkwing Duck's fault for the ending of How I Met Your Mother!

    Okay, okay. I shouldn't be riffing the fact that he's actually being in character, but the fact that he's in this fanfic at all is driving me completely up the wall with boredom.

    And neither do I. You're all ducks.

    [​IMG] ?

    I mean, that seems like a common character trait for him so far.

    How do you make domestic terrorism boring? How? Oh, I guess by just casually mentioning it like it was another tuesday would do it.
     
  7. Cyan

    Cyan #006666

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    "Oh gosh golly gee I sure do wish the terrorist was out of jail it would be SO COOL for him to kill people at random until I got a chance to fight him!"
    "*ANGRY QUACKING*"

    Oh no. We're getting into the really weird deviantart porn, aren't we?

    I wouldn't say they were ready to pounce. Ready to fangasm sounds more accurate.

    Eh, honestly I'd be concerned if my arch nemesis (...I totally have one of those) showed up with more enemies than I was familiar with. You don't know what they can do and they outnumber you, so it's a legitimate threat.

    Srsly. Captain Pollution doesn't yet KNOW that the new strangers are only Marina and Co. so he should be a little more worried about it.

    Let the tentacle pronz commence!

    More like sorry not sorry, eh Megavolt?
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    Oooooh, so this character is prone to random-access humor. Okay, then he looks like this.

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    No. The only funny thing that's been going on right now is me, and even I'm not at the top of my game. (I'm just bored out of my mind.)

    Wait, you mean I could have gotten to riff a butchered Maleficent instead of these fuckos? And she's already gone!? What an infuriating way to end this chapter. Cyan out.
     
  8. Descent

    Descent Well-Known Member

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    Do you think DisneyFan has a checklist of every character and anytime something happens she goes through the list to make sure they each get a reaction line?
    Maybe because you basically are a kid.
     
  9. Cyan

    Cyan #006666

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    It's like those Pooh's Adventures videos where it's trying to be "what if X was in this story?" and it just ends up being a normal episode of something with random ass cartoon characters slowing things down with endless reaction shots.
     
  10. Uncle Frank

    Uncle Frank Occasionally forgets to breathe

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    My god the shading style is horrible. It's like Andrea has a psychotic obsession with the photoshop brush tool.
     
    HotaruThodt likes this.
  11. TheVoid

    TheVoid Well-Known Member

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    That reminded me of this clip.

     
  12. Cyan

    Cyan #006666

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    I mean... it is the main tool if you're doing art of any kind in photoshop, to be fair. o_O