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Cooking with Jack | Jack Scalfani

Discussion in 'Internet Clips, Videos, Etc.' started by Damocles, Jan 30, 2017.

  1. Trefoil Knot

    Trefoil Knot < x,y | x² = y³ >

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    If my user name wasn't a clue, there was a time in my life when I wanted to be a mathematician. Gödel, Descartes, Lovelace, Euclid... I wanted to be that. I did the whole competitive math thing, had a dozen expensive calculators, expensive draftsman quality compasses...

    Alas, as much as I loved it, I am a terrible mathematician. I just can't do it at the level you have to perform at to really be viable at it. Topology damn near destroyed me and the concept of homeomorphism never really quite caught on for me. I have to use statistics for my job fairly often and I still have to regularly review that and rely on software to make sure I'm doing it right.

    I have been subscribed to Cooking with Jack for some time now and I keep wondering why. His latest video today made me sigh. The thing is, I want Jack to succeed and put out a good product on Youtube. And truth is sometimes he's okay, but there's a lot of times like today where I just go... Oh Jack, what are you doing buddy?

    But now I think I understand. I think Jack wanted to be a chef like I wanted to be a mathematician. If he can ever manage, maybe there's hope for me, says my subconscious. But I know there's no hope for me, and there probably isn't any for Jack.

    Sometimes the thing you love isn't the thing you're good at. It stinks, but if you don't face up to it, well you just kind of embarrass yourself.
     
  2. TheShaw

    TheShaw Member

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    If you want to see a classic Jack look up his chicken and waffles. Not only does he lie about what he makes and fucks it up but the first bite he makes. It's clearly raw and it hangs out of his mouth like an obese lion eating it's meal. It's disgusting and for him to even lie and say yeah its so juicy is a fuck up all in itself.
     
  3. Adamska

    Adamska Well-Known Member

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    That's the one where he doesn't even make Chicken and Waffles, right? He legit just made a different breading for the chicken out of waffle cones. If so, then yeah, it's pink when he rips into it.
     
  4. TheShaw

    TheShaw Member

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    He holds the secret to samonela immunity.
     
  5. Erika

    Erika RL incel hunter

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    I wish I could rate this feels. But, we all have passions like that that escape us and just don't fit our skill sets no matter how much we enjoy them.

    Jack short cuts everything, I'm no pro chef hell I don't even call my self a great cook for home. But for Jack, it's gotta be something else. When I make chilli, I like picking the spices, browning the beef etc. Those steps, I enjoy cooking. I honestly wonder about Jack if he's just insanely lazy or he doesn't even like cooking, and thought it's easy enough to do and can make himself YT famous off it. Like, I get not everyone has the touch, but he claims to have a passion but his skills aren't growing.

    Friend of mine said I need to learn to cook for myself and it's scary to do alone since they never have. Got brave ordered blue apron or something, after a few weeks said, wow this is fun. Hit google found some recipes canceled order. Jack still pops a top and pours.

    Jack couldn't even hide his disgust in this. I kinda enjoy seeing the times he has to fake how much he likes it when he flops so hard his palette rejects it.
     
    Trefoil Knot likes this.
  6. Birdoj

    Birdoj bird but in esperanto

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    I'm not the greatest cook by a long shot, but since I do love eating food I study what I can. I made some strawberry bread once and it came out all watery and terrible. I felt awful, I had to throw everything out! A month later on Great British Bakeoff someone made the same mistake and the judges pointed out that they didn't dry the fruit enough. So now I know to do that, I learned!

    I feel that Jack doesn't really watch other people's stuff, or if he does he's not paying enough attention to pick up on stuff. He made the Duck Dynasty biscuits and used a dough hook on an electric mixer because he didn't have "a pastry mixer." Which is just a hand held tool with some parralel bits of metal. If he's ever watched Alton Brown or even Cutthroat Kitchen he would have known he could just use 2 forks instead. It's just really basic above-newb level stuff he has 0 knowledge of that really tells me he's content in being shitty and never improving his skills. Heck I make slow cooker hcili that's mostly canned stuff BUT AT LEAST I EXPRIMENT AND PUT IN SPICES and not 50 tons of black pepper.
     
  7. Adamska

    Adamska Well-Known Member

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    So I decided to binge watch some more of him, and I will now present you three different videos. One of which is his usual horrific ineptitude, and one where he actually does prove he watches and rips off people (mainly because you brought it up @Birdoj ) but one that... dare I say, was good. I know, it's shocking.

    But let's start with bad, since I like pouring acid salt everywhere. So in this fuck-error of a show, Jack manages to get a Mexican woman to make what is called "Lazy man's Enchiladas". One problem though; it is the dead opposite of enchiladas, which you might know of as kind of burrito covered in a sauce and some cheese. He instead made a horrid cheese casserole; it actually came out looking like cornbread, which made my friend and I nearly die from laughter at how Jack's idiocy resulted in alchemy; it went from bread to hell lasagna the moment they pulled squares out.


    Now I'll take 'rip-off' for 400 Alex. In this particular sin, Jack parrots another guy's preparation and recipe, going so far as to actually do the exact same moves and with the exact same phrasing... all while still making a worse marinara sauce. He is blatantly copying the guy and for ad money too, which makes it disgusting even if he did credit the man for making the recipe.

    And care to compare with the source:


    So now that we saw that, here's an honest to god palette cleanser. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to show you the one time Jack Scalfani made genuinely good shit that I would love to eat myself! I introduce to you, his pizza bagels and garlic bread!

    Seriously, I'm impressed he actually made things that both looked and likely tasted good. The one sin I'd throw at him is he put too much oregano in the garlic bread, but I still think they look appetizing as fuck. I don't know how he managed it to be honest.
     
  8. Luna

    Luna Well-Known Member

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    I would personally spear a salmon out of the Atlantic if he would try to make graflax out of it because I know he'd fuck it up somehow.
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2017
    Birdoj likes this.
  9. Birdoj

    Birdoj bird but in esperanto

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  10. Luna

    Luna Well-Known Member

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    I missed this going through the thread before, but I was showing his youtube videos to a friend and I happened to come across this one and you guys forgot to mention the worst part of this fucking video, behold:
    [​IMG]
    ALL GLORY TO THE YEAR-OLD MEAT HUNK!
     
  11. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

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    From the French onion soup episode, these onions have allegedly been sauteing for an entire 45 minutes and are nicely caramelized...

    [​IMG]
     
  12. Erika

    Erika RL incel hunter

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    This is comical. With out too much power leveling, my mom used to be part of a high end catering company that had a deli attached. Stuff like caramelized onions there is NO cheat, no short cut. So clearly Jack can't manage this. You know how to make big batches of them? You take the lowest worker on the totem pole, and leave him with a spatula for an hour or so. On a hot griddle like for a patty melt or cheese steak you can drop em on and sweat/burn a touch but it's not same as a caramelized proper. If you are doing it right you have a bunch ready to roll.

    I just got over a cold and was craving French Onion soup, after seeing that I think I'm wanting a nice sandwich. The Jack Pepe warms my heart.
     
  13. Adamska

    Adamska Well-Known Member

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    There's a reason I just cook the onions straight with my homefries over that long period and Jack is proving it with how he failed to do anything but undercook them.
     
    Luna likes this.
  14. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

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    French onion soup is just a bad choice if you're trying to do a "lazy man" cooking show with quick and easy recipes. It takes a long-ass time to carmelize onions, there's no shortcut.
     
    Very Honest Content and Luna like this.
  15. c-no

    c-no Dead Meme Internet Man

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    Outside of taste being affected, wouldn't that meat technically be bad? Regardless, it's just another example of Jack as a cook whose skills at cooking makes one wonder how often he could visit the doctor for things like salmonella.
     
    Luna likes this.
  16. Trefoil Knot

    Trefoil Knot < x,y | x² = y³ >

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    It depends, salted/smoked meat can last months, and frozen uncooked whole cuts of meat can last around a year (I think 3 months or so if it's ground), I think cooked whole cuts can be frozen about 2-3 months, and frozen ground meat lasts 1 month at most. I think. Don't quote me.

    So my YouTube is a weird mix of stuff (whose isn't) and I actually do have some legit cooking channels in it (I kind of have to as penance to offset Jack). I just wanted to share something. The video itself is not important.



    The reason I share this is note all of the contrasts:
    - The recipe makes novel use of a convenience ingredient rather than use convenience ingredients as a substitute for work. If Jack made this, he'd have taken Kit Kats and Little Debbie Brownies, chopped them up in a blender and then combined them or something.
    - The presentation is short and concise. After watching this video once, I could make that recipe right now and forever into the future, if I had all the ingredients anyway. Now in reality I would still check it to make sure, but the fact is I don't have to. I do not expect all recipes to be that simple, but for such a simple item it should be that way. Jack would have made this video take 11 minutes.
    - The recipe is prepared correctly and looks delicious. Jack would have burned it. No, he would have come out with wet soggy half-cooked dough.
    - No contests, no hawking, no shilling, no sales pitches, no bull shit. 3 minutes of Jack's video would have been Vlogging and commercials for his own shit.

    It's just so... stark, to put Jack against a good cooking channel and be shocked how big the differences are.

    I like Jack, he's a big goofy dork of a guy, but good gravy does he embarrass himself.
     
  17. Erika

    Erika RL incel hunter

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    Joe does 23 and me.


    There's been a lot of vids missed. But omg for a 100% WOP he doesn't know part of Italy. Sadly 23 and me doesn't cover Autism.
     
    Very Honest Content likes this.
  18. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

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    Is he getting paid to pitch products or something? Seems like he's doing a lot of "made for TV" product reviews.
     
  19. Sparklemilhouse

    Sparklemilhouse America Online for Dummies

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    He's been abusing 'da hell out of bitmojis lately. Even using them in advertising material, not giving a shit if they're copyrighted.
     
  20. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

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    Jack Jr. is learning the ropes, annoying the crap out of his dad and actually doing an OK job presenting a noodle bowl cooking video.