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Legal Jail of Fail

Discussion in 'CWC Discussion' started by ToroidalBoat, Aug 5, 2021.

  1. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    "VEIL BLOCKS REAL REALITY"

    Chris knows his "Life of Fail" really sucks.
     
  2. One Too Many

    One Too Many Sexual Orientation: Heavy Metal

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    Minor update, I checked the Etsy again, no new drawings but there's some interesting stuff regarding the medallions. The Etsy sells four types of medallions, gold ($60), regular ($35), regular made by CWC ($75), and megastone made by CWC ($115). The gold medallions are just regal medallions spray painted with gold and used to get you an invite to an exclusive Discord (the Golden Church of Sonichu) that Chris was a part of before he went to jail; presumably they still have a bunch lying around and are still trying to hawk them off even without the Discord (these are listed as "RUN TWO"). The regular medallions are made by preator themselves, same painted model magic only without that ol *autistic charm*, the page states these where made before Chris was arrested and were sitting in storage until Chris gave them the go ahead, they then provide a link to a Google drive audio file of Chris (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1B6Qmm7VlnK_qpoVJaAgZ70KHCGB2JDrQ/view). For the sake of prosperity I'll transcribe it here:
    Hello this is Jesus[Hispanic pronunciation] Christian[Chris prounocenes it Christ-teen] Weston Chandler Sonichu Lord Avatar and Blueheart
    I am ear[?] today and– to introduce tell yall about the regular Sonichu medallions that I have authorized the processing and making of.
    These are legit and authentic and each one shall provide you with a great spiritual power linked to my own, so it's a wise investment. Thank you– and you are helping me with each purchase.

    Next are the medallions made by Chris himself, the Etsy page says that these were made months prior to his arrest in preparation for the start of a Twitch channel and the eventual release of a new comic. They are endorsed with the following audio message (https://drive.google.com/file/d/1krnYcO0GZwQMbaTvNKELd66WCjufIWB1/view):
    Greattings everyone this is Jesus Christian Weston Chandler Sonichu and I present to you right here those listening the medallions I have personally crafted and personally signed each and every one of, so you definitely feel more of my soul and energy resonate through these, in addition to all the others, but still a wise investment and with... each purchase does go out to help me as well, so thank you all.

    Last is the "Megastone Medallions" made by Chris, same as the other one just with a plastic blue stone stuck in the back for "channeling power". Same spiel about being made before the arrest, here's the audio (https://drive.google.com/file/d/19trgzV7JdbjaIvCfDJbqulLrXAElG5Yn/view):
    Alright everyone this is Jesus Christian Weston Chandler Sonichu in this offering I present to you medallions I have personally crafted and signed are even more weird[?] because these each have a megastone in them similar to a Sonichite or Rosechite but these are more like aura spear quartzes but I have personally blessed and programed with my aura... and everything, so these are the most powerful and most potent of medallion, so not only do you buy these to wear and enjoy, your really gonna feel the spiritual aura and charge and vibrations within yourself and of course each purchase does continue to help me as well, so thank you all so much and enjoy the vibrations that come from me directly as I bless each and every one of you.

    All the audio files were uploaded to google drive May 2nd
     
  3. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    of course he does :rolleyes:
     
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  4. Judgesaturn507

    Judgesaturn507 rambling without substance

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    'Hey-zoos Christ-ine Weston Chandler Sonichu'.
    I have no words.
     
  5. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    "Honor Roll" indeed.

    Also "Honor Roll" likely doesn't know that Christ didn't go by "Jesus" or "Jesús" - Christ went by ישוע instead.
     
  6. Judgesaturn507

    Judgesaturn507 rambling without substance

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    Chris seems to think Jesus was white and looked exactly the way Western artists portrayed him. He was Middle Eastern, so he would have had light brown skin.

    Also, he was a carpenter who did a lot of physical labor, meaning he would have been STACKED - compare that to our hero Chris.
     
  7. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    Yeah, Western artists liked to make Christ look Nordic with brown hair, when He really likely has black hair.
     
  8. Ms. Mowz

    Ms. Mowz My likes mean absolutely nothing!

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    This goes without saying, but Jesus also never fucked his mother.
     
  9. Judgesaturn507

    Judgesaturn507 rambling without substance

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    I thought about this way:
    Jesus is God.
    God impregnated Mary with Jesus.
    Therefore Jesus impregnated Mary with himself...?

    (Don't think about that too much)
     
  10. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    Chris is more like the Antichrist.

    Although the Antichrist is supposedly a charismatic guy who's loved by the world, not lol'd at by the world.
     
  11. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

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    Oh god, "Chris Chan" is trending on Twitter, why.
     
  12. Skeletor

    Skeletor Skellington Justice Warrior

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  13. Judgesaturn507

    Judgesaturn507 rambling without substance

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    We’re so desperate for updates that some random internet artist just drawing him is considered news now?
     
  14. One Too Many

    One Too Many Sexual Orientation: Heavy Metal

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    Chris's left arm is massive
     
  15. Fialovy

    Fialovy Skeleman Warrior

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    I was selling Sonichu medallions before it was cool... @Osfos has the yawning squirtle one I made
     
  16. Judgesaturn507

    Judgesaturn507 rambling without substance

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    I'd say this picture is what Chris THINKS he looks like.
     
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  17. Fialovy

    Fialovy Skeleman Warrior

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    Nah, that picture of Chris as a woman is totally not accurate. Her hair wouldn't be as nice, especially considering how the real Chris takes care of his hair
     
  18. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    Also "Honor Roll" thinks adding "Battery Charged Blue" to sickly brown hair makes it that color, instead of mixing to a sickly seaweed green like it really does.
     
  19. Fialovy

    Fialovy Skeleman Warrior

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    I still don't like the fact that people who make girl versions of characters, they always make them hot even when the person they are basing it off of isn't remotely hot.
     
  20. ToroidalBoat

    ToroidalBoat ¿qué?

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    Maybe weens try to make Chris look good to appeal to him, so he's more open to trolling by them?