YouTube 5/10/2018 Chris Cuts A Wrestling Promo

Chris says "fuck these haters". Who wants to transcribe?

 

Seriously better than Roman Reigns

 

The part that sticks out to me is him blaming Bob for giving out his phone number and address.

 

I didn't catch that. I didn't really catch any of it. If the Ultimate Warrior had a stroke, this is what it would sound like.

 

*claps*

Oh my God it IS a wrestling promo... I'm laughing so hard, I mean the video is crazy enough but now I can't get it out of my head.

It was bugging me, it reminded me of someone specific... and I 'membered!



The way Chris talks and forms his incoherent words reminds me of like the squeaker version of this classic insanity.

 

I am more reminded of this.

 

Fuck! I told you fuckers since I got here! Chris Chan really is Andy Kaufman in disguise!!

 

This was.. not an easy task. What the hell is he on about?

Spoiler: Transcription

[Growling] Hello everybody this is Christine Chandler coming to you live from hoooome
and I'm gonna tell y'all some real truths that- I'm gonna tell you what: Yes! It was me on Twitter.
I'm sick of the trolls! [high pitched] I'm sick of the hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Cause the God danged commentary
that I will not tolerate fricken commentary anymore! Sick of the commentary.
[grunts and limply smacks a pillow] HATEFUL! HURTFUL! SPITEFUL! Commentary! [more weak grunts and punches]
ERRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH. EERRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHHH.
I'm tired of being hated on! [normal voice] I'm very stressed oooouuuut!
[in a distinctly inhuman voice] I'M HUMAN! (unintelligible: and I'm Sonichu?) I NEED A BREAAAAAAAAK
I HAVE BEEN A SENTIMENTAL INDIVIDUAL!
My father always told me to stick up for and stand up for myself and he always said the same thing.
He would only did- He told you all the ADDRESS OF THIS VERY HOUSE and our phone number and gave y'all- like you know- you know what?
You wanna come at us? You wanna come at us? You come at us. WHOEVER (unintelligible: gonna give me money?) he was...
ERRRRRRRNNNNGGHHHHHHHHH
And I'm just tired of constant DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY HATRED! HATRED!
And like a certain person of many many many years agooo my kindness, generosity, sentiment- being taken advantage of WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!!
And I will not tolerate any more hurtful comments or BS from any of you spiteful hating people ANYMORE!
You'd better shape up! Be kind! Be courteous! Or it's out! ERRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHH

 

Damn, how did you do it? Everyone buy this man a beer. He deserves it for transcribing....whatever we just heard.

Wait....is Chris reading off a sheet? He keeps glancing down at something.

 

I honestly had such trouble following him I needed to write it down for myself. It definitely seems like he's reading a script but I can't tell if it's one he was given or one he wrote himself. It seems way too all over the place, blaming Bob, complaining about someone from "many years ago". The past few days have been such a deluge of bizarre content.
Is there a chance he got scammed? Every now and then he references some recent event he "can't talk about" but I'm not sure if he's just being immature about paying bills.

 

"coming to you live"

Why does Chris always say that? Is it the new "Captain's Log?"

 

So it was Bob fapping over the phone? And giving us a tour of 14 Branchland Court?

 

Yes, surely THIS time the trolling will stop.

 

FIFY

 

Like the "Captain's Log" bit, it's something he heard on TV and doesn't know what it means.

 

Is this the sequel to the BLANGRY video?

 

The Cwcki confirmed it: he's reading from a sheet. This is probably another IG 2.0 bit. Fuck! Sorry to waste everyone's time. Good thread, team. I'll see you all in the next thread.

*slaps everyone's asses on the way out*

 

OOOOH YEAH BRUTHA, CHANDLERMAINA COMIN FOR YA. YUH. YUH. THE QUICK CWC CAN'T BE STOPPED. OOOOOH YEEAAAAH.